Ron Hino's Starter Kits
by Ron Hino
Summary: Someone actually decided to complete one of the Author Starter Kits I made up. Ralf Martin finished # 2 "Hypothermia". Other authors please check out #1 & #3 if you're looking for ideas. WARNING! #2 is now NC-17!
1. Virility Rated R for mature content

Hi there! This is one of my 'Starter Kits'. A fanfiction idea that seemed really good when I started, but ground to a halt when my creativity ran dry, or as I became involved in other projects and completely forgot where I intended to go with this. So I'm posting these 'Starter Kits' up so that other authors can continue my ideas, flesh them out, or even take them in a wild new direction. All I ask is that you consult me before making changes to the part that I've put down here. Perhaps later I'll try to pick up from where you leave off, or we might just alternate writing chapters. I'm intentionally leaving this open-ended.   
So, show me what you got, tough guy!  
-Ron Hino  
  
  
  
Virility  
By Ron Hino and ____________  
  
Inspired by an element of T.H. Tiger's lemon fic "Poke Her" though this isn't intended to be a lemon. (10/04/02) By the same token, I have no say in where another author might take it, like Ralf Martin did to another of my Starter Kits. Looking over it again, especially what I've since added, I suppose a lemon scene is almost unavoidable. Though if the solution is that easy, this is going to be a very short story. You'll see what I mean if you read to the end.  
  
Rated R, for mature content  
  
  
  
It was all over, as far as Akane was concerned.  
Not in the bad way: the fiancées, the bizarre challenges, the hidden desires and denial of their love behind a wall of insincere insults. It was finally over.   
She was now Akane Saotome, beloved wife to Ranma.   
  
Oh certainly, it hadn't been that simple. It had taken many hurt feelings and bumps in the road to get them here. After the wedding (the successful one) Ukyou had been a wreck, and Shampoo little better. They had both been despondent and miserable, but at least they were accepting what they could not change. Akane had even heard Ukyou invite Shampoo to her place to drink away their sorrows after the ceremony. Cologne had just looked at the new married couple with a tired expression that made her, for once, truly seem as old as she claimed to be. Then she and Mousse left together.   
Akane was grateful she'd had the foresight to pull Mousse aside and advise him not to push things right now. Shampoo was miserable, heartbroken, and in no mood for his usual glomps and professions of love. If he would just quietly be there for her, be a shoulder to cry on for her, then maybe, when she was ready to try at love again, he would be the one she turned to. At the very worst, they would grow closer as friends. Mousse had apparently seen the wisdom in her advice.   
Ukyou would have Konatsu to take care of her. He needed no coaching to be the shoulder she could cry on. And tomorrow morning, he would be the hands that held her head over the toilet while she recovered from the serious bender she was apparently planning.  
Ryouga was surprisingly cheerful at the wedding, though that may have had something to do with the cute and bubbly Akari who held his hand and cried into her tissues throughout the ceremony. Akane suspected he had once had a crush on her, but he appeared to have moved on, much to her relief. Ryouga deserved all the happiness life had to offer. Maybe she could be at their wedding a year or two down the road.   
The Kunous had been hospitalized the day before the wedding, and weren't scheduled for release until several weeks after the honeymoon would end. Neither Ranma nor Akane particularly gave a damn if they were ever happy.  
  
And now, Akane Saotome lay in the arms of her husband, the invincible Ranma Saotome, who had fought Chinese kings and gods for her, who had weathered her temper and jealousy, and even done the unthinkable: sampled her cooking more than once.   
This was the night Akane had been waiting for. She was nervous and excited all at once. In what had once been her room, he followed her scantily clad form into what was once her bed. His eyes shone with love as he kissed her tenderly, then wrapped her in his strong arms. Akane smiled as she closed her eyes and waited.  
And waited...  
And waited...  
And waited...  
*ZZZZzzzzzz*  
"Ranma no baka!" *WHAP*  
"Huh? Wha?"  
"What are you doing?"  
"Well... I was sleeping."  
"Obviously! And isn't there anything else you'd like to do? Before we go to sleep?"  
"Like what?"  
*WHAP*  
"Ow! What'd do that for?"  
"Are you stupid or something? This is our WEDDING night!"  
"Right. So we're supposed to sleep together. That's what I was doing."  
"..."  
"What?" Ranma said, looking at her blankly.  
"You ARE stupid." She muttered.  
"Hey!"  
Akane let out a deep sigh. Surely life on the road couldn't leave him THAT ignorant! "Didn't you pay attention in health class?"  
"Do I _ever_ pay attention to any class other than gym?"  
"I don't believe this." She muttered. "Do you even know what sex is?"  
"Sure. It's what animals do to have babies."  
"People do it too you know." She sighed.  
"Right. That's how you 'n me got here. So?"  
Akane took a deep breath to calm her temper. "A husband and wife are supposed to have sex for the first time on their wedding night." She explained slowly.   
"News to me. I though we were just supposed to sleep together."  
"That's what 'sleeping together' usually means, idiot!"   
"Oh, it's one of those yu-fa thingys, right?"  
"A euphemism. Exactly. And were supposed to do it tonight."  
"How do you 'do' a euphemism?"  
Akane started banging her head against the wall.  
"Go Ranma Go!" Nabiki cheered from the other side of the wall. "Wild Stallion indeed. Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna have to start charging you for keeping me from my beauty rest, but it's your wedding night, so go nuts!" The sound of a radio came through the wall shortly after that.   
Akane turned beet red. She could put up with being embarrassed over this if they had actually been _doing_ anything. She turned back to Ranma and tried it again with gritted teeth... and small words.  
"You and I are supposed to have sex tonight."  
"Why?"  
"What do you mean, 'why'? Don't you _want_ to have sex with me?"   
"Well... not really." Ranma admitted.  
Akane felt like she'd been stabbed through the heart. "W-what?"  
"Well I don't really wanna have kids so soon." He said, scratching his head. "Do you?"  
Akane grasped at the thread of hope.   
"N-no Ranma. I don't want children just yet. I started taking pills that will keep me from having children. So you don't need to worry about that. Now do you want to have sex with me?"  
"What's the point?"  
Akane felt like her heart had dropped into her stomach. "W-what do you mean?" She asked meekly.   
"I mean... if you took those pills, we won't have kids. Why would we have sex if not to have kids?"  
Akane's heart took a tentative step up again. It appeared it was just his stupidity, not what she thought. She just needed to check one more thing before she could relax...  
"Ranma... do you love me?" She said in a choked voice.  
Even Ranma (thanks to a LOT of coaching from his until-recently estranged mother) knew he couldn't risk letting her think he didn't love her. He moved toward her and embraced her.   
"Of course I love you. I love you more than life itself. If I didn't have you, live wouldn't be worth living."   
Akane sighed with relief and squeezed him tightly around the waist. Tears slid down her cheeks and onto his lean muscled chest. She let out a few cleansing sobs before she pulled herself together.   
"Then why don't you want to make love to me?"  
"This is like that 'sleeping together' thing, right?"  
She didn't know whether to groan or giggle. She sighed. "Yes, Ranma."  
He was starting to get the feeling that this sex thing was important, maybe almost as important as him loving her.   
"It's not that I don't _want_ to. I just don't see any reason to." He said, hoping he wasn't just making her more upset.  
Akane's Ego had been taking a serious beating, and as it usually did, it ran and hid behind the legs of Anger. Anger was all set to let fly with the mallets, when Love put a hand on his arm. Anger grudgingly permitted Reason to try and handle this, but swore if that idiot Ranma hurt little Ego again, he'd feel pain like never before.  
Outside of the psyche, Akane gently pushed away from him. "No reason? Let me see if I can do something about that."   
She stood away from him and did a small pirouette, before bending towards him with her hands on her knees. All she was wearing was the sexy white lace panty and bra Auntie Saotome had got her for the honeymoon, which came with a garter belt and smooth stockings. Her pose showed a lot of cleavage, and the whole outfit a lot of skin, while hiding only the most interesting bits.   
"So," she smiled at him, "What do you think of me?"  
Ranma was about to go into an amusing monologue about her manly muscles, and the fact that her breasts, for all they had grown in the last two years, we're still slightly smaller than his girl form (which had also matured in the last two years. Damn!) when he remembered his mother explaining that Akane did not enjoy that game nearly as much as he did. He swallowed his pride and nervousness and answered as honestly as he could.  
"You're beautiful."  
Akane smiled. "Tell me what you like about me."   
"You're cute, kind and smart, way smarter than me anyway, and... when you smile... you're the most beautiful girl in the world."  
Akane smiled wider. Deep within her, Ego was doing the Dance of Joy, with Love as her partner. Still, this wasn't exactly what she had been looking for. She straightened and stretched her arms over her head, posing again.  
"What do you like about my body? Tell me what you think of it." She asked.  
Ranma stomped on his tease reflex again and ran his eyes up her beautiful form. "You've got long legs, and they're not skinny like some girls, or fat either. They've got muscle to them, so they look just the right shape. You can tell they're strong just by looking at them, but they're not bulging with muscle like on a man. They're strong like a woman is strong. You're whole body is like that; lean and hard, but undeniably feminine."   
He'd have to thank Nabiki for that description later. On second thought, considering what he paid, thanks were unnecessary. Still, he'd never have guessed Akane worried so much about how her beloved martial arts made her body look, or that she might sometimes wish she had a softer look to her like her sisters. Guess only her sisters would know her that well. From the look of delight in Akane's eyes, it had been money well spent.   
"And my breasts? What do you think of them? They're not as big as your girl side."  
"Maybe, but so what? The boobs on my girl side get in my way a lot. I had to readjust most of my moves in girl form just to counter the weight of the things throwing off my balance. Yours are big too, do you ever have that problem?"  
Akane blushed and smiled. "Can't say that I do."  
"Hmm. Wish I had them in your size then. Not small, but not too big either. They're just perfect."  
. Ranma thought. She had also told him not to say any of this if he didn't think it was true, because Akane would know if he were lying. He didn't need to lie, but he was grateful to all three women for helping him sort out his words, so he wouldn't put his foot in his mouth yet again.   
Akane's Ego was doing cartwheels now. She strode towards him purposefully. "And how does it make you feel, looking at me?" She grinned.  
"'Feel'?"  
"Tell you what, you've done enough descriptions for one night. I'll just look for myself." She giggled as she grabbed the bottoms of his boxer shorts, his last article of clothing.  
"What do you... HEY!" He yelped in surprise as she snatched his shorts down his legs and off.   
There it was; what she had been looking forward to all night. She hadn't seen one since she grew too old to take baths with Daddy, and she obviously hadn't been looking at the time. Ranma's manhood, which she had worked up the courage to have willingly plunge into her body, tearing away whatever her training had left of her hymen. She had been ready for that, looking forward to it.  
And the damn thing was laying there like a piece of cooked spaghetti.  
"It isn't hard." Akane moaned in disappointment.  
"What isn't?" Ranma asked.  
His ignorance was getting to her. "THAT!" She said, pointing.  
"Is it supposed to do that?"  
"YES IT-- Ranma, are you saying it's never gotten hard before? Never got bigger and all stiff?"  
"'Course not. How would I aim it when I piss if it was all stiff?"  
Cold, frightening realization hit Akane between the eyes. "Ohmygod! Ranma, you're impotent!"   
"Meaning what, exactly?" Ranma asked. He didn't know the word, but it didn't sound like anything good, especially taking into account the look of horror on her face. When she dropped to her knees, crying into his lap (no not _there_, down a few inches) he knew it was bad.  
"Ranma! I'm so sorry! I swear I'll do everything I can to help you!"  
"Holy shit! Akane... am I... am I dying?" Ranma asked.  
Akane looked up, offering him a brave smile. "No... No Ranma it's not as bad as that. Impotent means you can't get hard down here. If you can't, than we can't make love... and we can never have children."  
Ranma still didn't get what the big deal was with this making love business, but children he could understand.  
"Damn." He said, seeming to finally understand the magnitude of the problem. "I... I really wanted kids. Not right away, but someday I sure did. I wanted to be a father. I... I was sure I could do a better job of it than my stupid old man."  
Akane sat beside him on the bed and hugged him. "I know you would have Ranma, I'm sure of it." She took him by the shoulders and kissed him. "But I'm not giving up yet, and neither are you! Ranma Saotome never loses, right?"  
Ranma grinned "You're right. And neither," he kissed her again, "does Akane Saotome."  
Her grin was full of the confidence her husband was famous for, she looked ready to go into battle. "I won't give up Ranma. I'll do whatever it takes." She stood away from him and looked back at him over her shoulder, smiling coyly. "Maybe you just want to see a little more, hmm?" She cooed as she slid the bra strap down her shoulder.  
Ranma gulped. He was still getting used to the idea that he was in Akane's bedroom (_their_ room now) and she was nearly naked (and becoming more so) and she wasn't hitting him in the head. His instincts were telling him to run for it. He shook his head to clear it and continued to stare, reminding himself that not only was he allowed to look now, but he was _supposed_ to. He was her husband; she was his wife. All she had to offer was for his eyes and his alone.   
Besides, she'd already gotten a good look at him. Might as well look at her too, right?  
  
***  
  
Morning came to the married couple. Akane woke first. She lifted her head from her husband's chest and smiled. He looked so cute asleep. Then she remembered the night before and her face fell. She slowly rose and pulled on a yukata. She looked sadly at the sleeping Ranma once more before gathering her bath things and heading downstairs.   
As she scrubbed herself and then sat in the hot water (bless Kasumi-oneechan, always up so early) she kept running the same four words through her mind, beating herself up with them.  
She had failed him.  
Akane had tried everything. She'd done a slow striptease, danced erotically for him, then danced outright gratuitously for him (her face had never been that red in her life). She'd taken his hesitant hands and placed them all over her body, _all_ over. She'd taken him in her hands, trying to make him hard. She'd even taken him in her mouth, something she'd always thought disgusting and had sworn in front of her girlfriends that she'd never do, no matter what. She'd talked dirty, acted like a porn slut, like a totally shameless whore, all in an attempt to get a reaction.   
Little Ranma lay as limp as when they had started.   
Big Ranma, on the other hand, was wondering who she was and what she had done with his wife. He looked a little scared.   
Finally exhausted, both emotionally and physically, Akane had collapsed against him in tears, falling asleep to the sound of his apologizing. For all that he insisted that it wasn't her fault, she couldn't stop wondering if there was something she did or hadn't done, that had left him unable to perform.   
  
***  
  
Kasumi looked worried as Ranma finally came downstairs. He was the last to awake, and everyone else was finishing breakfast. "Where's Akane? She wasn't there when I woke up."  
All the adults looked at each other, and wordlessly left the table, going out to the yard. Nabiki left too, but only around a corner where she could eavesdrop. Ranma watched his parents and in-laws vanish with a growing sense of unease. He turned to the nervous-looking Kasumi.   
"What's going on? Where's Akane?"  
Kasumi gathered herself. She could tell he was worried about his wife, that was a good sign. "Well... a little while ago, Akane said she was going to see Dr. Tofu about something. Mr. Saotome made a joke about not being able to tell if she was pregnant so soon, and she screamed at him to shut the... something... up. She was in tears, Ranma. Did you hurt her last night? Why does she need to go to the doctor's?"  
Ranma looked stricken. No wonder everyone was avoiding him. They thought he'd beat her or something.   
"No Kasumi. Akane's just fine, physically at least. I swear I didn't hurt her, but I think she might be upset about something. I should really go check."  
Kasumi smiled with relief. "I knew you wouldn't hurt her, Ranma. She left about twenty minutes ago. Better hurry."  
Ranma offered a weak smile and nodded, dashing to the front door.   
  
The first thing he heard when he entered the clinic was sobbing. He quietly moved to Dr. Tofu's office and peaked in the door. Akane was sitting next to Tofu and crying into his chest, just like she had when her hair had been abruptly cut short, years ago.   
"I did everything I could think of, Doctor! I did things I never thought I'd do. I don't even want to tell you about some of them, but it wasn't enough!"  
"Calm down, Akane. You don't have to tell me about anything you tried, I get the picture. I really don't think the problem is you. I want you to bring Ranma in for an examination as soon as possible. Lots of things can cause impotence: a simple chemical imbalance, hormones, stress..."  
"It was worse than that, Dr. Tofu. It wasn't like he wanted it to get hard, and it just wouldn't. It was like he didn't find me arousing at all. He even said, he just didn't see any reason to. Oh he tried as soon as he saw how much I wanted to, but I didn't do anything for him. He loves me, but he doesn't find me sexy! Doctor, what do I do now?"   
"Um... well... bring Ranma in, and we'll go from there. If it's a physical problem, I can help, and if it's not, I know people who can. I promise we'll fix Ranma up."  
"Then stop yapping and start examining." Ranma said, coming into the room. "I don't really understand why this is important, but I can't stand to see Akane cry another second, especially not because of me."  
"Ranma..." Akane said, somewhat startled. "I... I didn't mean to spread your problem around, but Dr. Tofu--"  
"The Doctor can help fix it. No problem. Let's just fix this." He said, looking at Dr. Tofu with iron determination.  
The Doctor waved him to the examination table, matching Ranma's seriousness. "Right this way."  
  
A VERY complete physical had revealed Ranma to be, as always, an ideal specimen of good health. Circulation through the penis was normal, A blood test would reveal testosterone production levels were a bit low for a young man of 18, but nowhere near the level where problems should occur.   
When the Doctor expanded his senses to examine Ranma's chi, everything looked to be healthy, if exceptional.   
"This really is quite impressive, Ranma. First, in the shear volume of chi and ki you seem able to produce, but also the patterns. Everything's fine, but I've only ever seen such tightly controlled lines of chi in highly disciplined monks three times your age."  
Akane resisted the urge to mallet the good doctor. Who cared how amazing Ranma's chi was. She wanted her wedding night! Ranma seemed to be of the same mind.  
"Hmph! But I bet those stupid monks don't have problems with their noodle!" He growled.  
Dr. Tofu chuckled. "Well, it'd be hard to tell if they did, since they take an oath not to... use... it." The doctor trailed off. They young couple looked up at him questioningly.   
"Doctor, did you think of something?" Akane asked hopefully.   
"I'm not sure yet. Ranma, answer me this: did you visit any temples or shrines for any length of time while traveling with your father?"  
"Sure, all the time. We were training in martial arts after all. We went to lots of temples to train. They'd usually let us sleep there for free too."  
"And did any of the priests do anything to you? Pressure points or moxibustion techniques?"  
"Uuuuh.... Nope. Don't think so. But there was that shiatsu thing Pop used to do to me all the time. I remember having to hold still while he went poking at my back a lot. He'd been doing it for me since I was about twelve or so. But he stopped once we were headed back to Japan from China. I never bothered to ask why."  
Tofu looked both eager and grim. This might be it. "And what do you know about that technique?"  
Ranma scratched his head. "Pop just said it would help me focus on becoming a better Martial Artist."  
Tofu rubbed his chin. It could be what he was thinking, but was even Genma that stupid and shortsighted?  
Yes. Yes he was.  
"Ranma, Akane, there is a shiatsu pressure point technique used by a few Bhuddist sects that dulls a man's sex drive. They find it easier to keep their vows of celibacy if their heads aren't turned by every pretty face. Other sects claim it is unnatural and in defiance of the Bhudda's beliefs. In any case, it is only meant to be applied to an adult body, of a man who never desires to be attracted to a woman for a good long time. The effects usually last about a year before the technique needs to be reapplied."  
"I think Pop did it to me about once every two months." Ranma said grimly.   
Tofu's mind reeled. Such a dangerous technique, overapplied by a factor of six, on a developing young boy... why didn't Genma just castrate his son and be done with it?  
The teens must have noticed his shaking hands. Their eyes were wide with dread.   
"B-b-b-but I feel fine!" Ranma insisted, growing frightened by everyone's reactions to something he didn't really get.  
Dr. Tofu rubbed his hands together. "How can I explain this to you, Ranma? During puberty, your body undergoes some changes, so does your mind. New feelings start to come into existence. What your father has probably done has stopped some of those feelings from ever appearing. It's like brainwashing. You don't know what you've lost because you've never experienced those emotions, those... needs. But everyone else understands them. Every man, hell, even a woman like Akane, has these feelings. They NEED them; they're important, even if they sometimes distract us from what we should be doing. Your father blocked them from distracting you from your martial arts training, but he never thought about what it would eventually cost you.  
"Impotence is not your problem, it's only a side effect. What you don't seem to have, Ranma, is a libido. And that is crippling. I really don't want to say this to you, but you have to understand. Without the ability to be sexually attracted to your wife, or anyone, your marriage may not survive."  
Ranma looked terrified. "But... but I love her!" He insisted. He gave Akane a panicked look.   
"Oh Ranma, I love you too. Don't worry about that."  
Tofu nodded. "That's very good, both of you. Akane, you need to know that Ranma does understand what he means when he says he loves you. This technique wouldn't affect that sort of emotion, it's the more... primitive... emotions that he's lacking."  
Akane just wrapped her arms around Ranma's shoulders and hugged him. "That's ok. Well... no, it's NOT ok, but I'm not going to leave him for it. It'd take more than that. A lot more."  
Ranma looked gratefully at his wife, and said nothing.  
"Ranma..." Tofu started, "I honestly don't know if I can help, but I'm going to try. I've got a lot of research to do, a lot of friends to call for advice, but I won't quit until I've exhausted every resource. We'll find you a cure.  
"In the meantime," Tofu said with an uncharacteristically nasty smirk, "why don't you visit your father?"  
  
***  
  
"Oooh, Genma!"  
"Mmm, been a long time, hasn't it Nadoka-chan?"  
"Harder!"  
The woman's moans rose to a shriek when the bedroom door was slammed open. Ranma was in a rage, and his wife behind him looked no happier. Ranma's eyes bugged out when he saw what he was interrupting.   
"Aw geez!" he moaned as he turned away.  
"I'd be embarrassed if I wasn't so envious." Akane deadpanned.  
"What's the meaning of this boy!" Genma growled, standing up with a pillow in front of his waist. Nadoka had pulled the bedcovers about herself.  
"Yes Ranma. While you're always welcome here at our home, you should have the courtesy to call ahead, or at the very least knock." She frowned.   
Ranma turned back with a scowl. "Sorry Mom, but this a bit more important. I have to kill Pop for destroying my marriage."  
"What?" Nadoka cried.  
"What nonsense are you spouting boy!"  
Ranma answered with a solid right hook, knocking the older man halfway back to the futon on the floor. He wished the old fart was wearing something so he could pick him up by the collar of his gi and slam him against a wall. Oh, and Genma dropped the pillow.  
"Time to come clean about those 'treatments' you gave me when I was growing up. Remember, the ones you said would help me focus on improving my martial arts?"  
Genma rubbed his jaw and covered himself with his other hand. "What about them? They worked, didn't they?"  
If Genma had stood up, he'd have been knocked down again. Too bad he'd taught Ranma so much about honor (if not by example).   
"Oh yeah, they seem to be working fine. What was it they were supposed to keep me from being distracted by again?"  
"Women of course. Same reason I took you from your mother. All those teenage hormones would have had you chasing every skirt in sight. That's no way for a martial artist to act. It also had the added bonus of keeping you from getting romantically involved with another girl before I could introduce you to your fiancée."  
"It's a technique to keep old monks from acting like dirty old men, you fat furball!" Ranma snarled. "You're not supposed to use it on little kids!"  
Genma stood himself up and reached for his pillow. "Why should that make any difference?"  
Ranma fumed, kicking his father savagely in the groin, and considering his recent activities, there was nothing hanging down in the way to offer even the slightest protection to the family jewels.  
"WHY? WHY!!! Because I'm not a monk you fucking moron! I'm married!"  
Nadoka was finally getting an inkling of what was going on. "Ranma... you mean... you can't... fulfil your marital obligations?"  
Akane glared at the old man on his knees, clutching his privates. "It's even worse than that. He can even feel attracted to me... in that way. He has no libido at all."  
Nadoka blinked in disbelief. "But... but... You peeked at Akane in the bath."  
Ranma snorted. "Only because this old fool said it was the only way to keep from committing seppuku. I didn't even know there was anything wrong with me until my wedding night."  
Genma was regaining the ability to speak, if in wheezing gasps. "But... I stopped the treatments... years ago."  
Akane chose to explain that. "The technique was meant to be applied to an adult only once a year. Not a developing child six times a year. Didn't you read the instructions? No. Knowing _you_ I guess you didn't." She snapped.   
Nadoka held her head. "Oh Genma..."  
The old man looked from face to face with a sheepish chuckle. "Eheh heh... Oops?"  
Ranma knocked him through the wall into the next room.   
  
Once Genma was lucid again, Ranma asked him what Tofu had wanted to know.  
"Where's the temple where you learned that stupid trick?"  
Genma scratched his head. "I think it was... the Temple of the Divine Forest, in the foothills near Kyoto. Going to look for a cure, eh boy?"  
Ranma scowled down at his father. "You got it old man. And if I can't make my equipment to work..."  
Genma looked up expectantly.  
"...I'm taking yours off."   
His father went pale. "B-but Ranma, I need it! I have a responsibility to my own wife. She's been waiting for this for some time, you know and--"  
"Mom's a wonderful and attractive woman. I'm sure she can find a better husband. There certainly can't be many worse out there." Ranma said darkly.  
"Sounds fair to me, son." Nadoka said with the same tone, glaring at Genma.   
"W-what? Nadoka-chan, please!"  
"Get out of my bedroom, Genma Saotome. In fact, get out of my home. Sleeping in the yard will be good enough for someone like you."  
Ranma helped his father outside via the window, before he and Akane bowed respectably to his mother and took their leave.  
  
***  
  
"Ah! Young Ranma! I remember you when you were only this tall! Hee hee hee." The ancient monk (who looked like he should have been buried a week ago) chuckled.   
  
"I'm glad you remember me, Sir." Ranma said politely. "By any chance, do you remember my father as well?"  
  
"Ah, yes. Kenma or something. That fat imbecile almost ate us out of house and home. Never could impress upon him the virtue of moderation."  
  
Ranma and his wife smirked. "Genma. Yeah, that's Pop in a nutshell alright."  
  
Akane spoke up. "Sir, do you remember teaching Mr. Saotome a shiatsu technique for suppressing a man's libido?"  
  
The old monk scratched his bald head (he hadn't needed to shave his scalp for the last few decades). "Oh, you mean the Shinki technique. It means 'pure spirit'. Let me think now..." The ancient monk folded his arms and lowered his head in thought. The Saotomes politely waited for the decrepit old man to unearth his memories.  
  
They continued to wait patiently for several minutes until the soft sound of snoring filled the room.  
  
Ranma growled and was about to swat the monk on the head to wake him up, but his wife shot across the room first with a snarl. She landed a fierce kick to his sternum that knocked the old man across the room.  
  
"WAKE UP YOU BASTARD! THIS IS IMPORTANT!"  
  
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... and a woman sexually frustrated is pretty scary too.  
  
Ranma probably saved the old monk's life when he tackled his irate wife. "Akane stop! His bones can't be much stronger than chopsticks!"  
  
Fortunately the monk rolled back into the seiza sitting position and continued the conversation as though nothing had occurred.  
  
"I do recall him asking to learn that technique. First he said he wanted to use it on his son to keep him focused on fighting, but we told him we wouldn't teach it to him for that. Then he said something about not seeing his wife for many years yet, and wanting to remain faithful to her until he could see her again. That sounded like a much more noble sentiment, so we taught it to him."  
  
Ranma let his wife go and growled. "Pity you didn't know that he's a glutton AND an accomplished liar. He used the technique on me six times a year from the time I was twelve!"  
  
The monk's eyes shot open. "WHAT? The technique was never meant for that! It should only be used once a year, and never on a developing young boy!"  
  
"So we've gathered." Akane grumbled. "Ranma never developed a libido, and now that we're married, he can't consummate the union, even though his father stopped using the technique two years ago."  
  
"How horrible! How awful! How tragic! How-"  
  
"Yes! We get the idea! Now can you help us!" Akane snapped.  
  
"Hmm..." The monk mumbled, once more lowering his head in thought. After a minute, Akane growled and drew back a fist to strike him awake again. Ranma rubbed his temples to ease his growing headache and decided to let her.  
  
A single shriveled finger intercepted Akane's fist and she soon found herself flying through the air to land hard on her back behind the monk.   
  
She blinked, stunned, as she tried to get her wind back. "What the..."  
  
Ranma smirked at her. "Pop DID bring me here to study martial arts, you know."  
  
The monk ignored Akane and looked seriously at Ranma. "Such as was done to you is unprecedented. We have never developed a cure for the Shinki technique, as we viewed it as a sort of cure itself, purifying dedicated monks of their unhealthy carnal desires. Besides, even if a monk chose to leave the Way of Bhudda to get married or something like that, his natural libido would restore itself one year from the time of his last treatment. There is no 'cure'."  
  
Ranma and Akane sagged in depression. They practically jumped at him when the monk continued with one very important word.  
  
"However..."  
  
"YES? YES?"  
  
"AIEE! Get back! You're scaring me!"  
  
Ranma and Akane immediately resumed their polite seiza positions on the thin cushions provided for them.   
  
The monk cleared his throat. "Ahem. However, what we do know about the technique my help you develop a cure of your own."  
  
"Such as?" Akane prompted eagerly.  
  
"The Shinki technique does not destroy a man's natural libido, it only suppresses what is there for a time. Unfortunately, having it applied during puberty would prevent a young boy's libido from ever developing in the first place. It's comparable to pulling a sapling out by the roots before it can ever grow into a mighty tree. Genma must have reasoned that since a teenager's hormones are much more active than an adult's, that the technique would have to be applied more frequently to keep them down, but SIX times a year..."  
  
"What does all that mean?" Ranma pressed.   
  
"Well, for one thing, the technique is not permanently damaging, and its effects, in and of themselves, are not cumulative. All it's done is stifle your natural growth in that area. Even six times a year, if applied to an adult, the Shinki should still wear off one year after its last application. If it's been two years since your last treatment, then there should be nothing preventing you from having a libido other than the fact that you never developed one in the first place. The Shinki technique is no longer of concern to you, only the damage it has left in its wake."  
  
"So how do we fix this?" Akane pleaded.   
  
The monk shrugged. "Don't ask me."  
  
Ranma again had to tackle his wife to prevent an assault on the aged monk. "Maybe you could offer a bit of advice?"  
  
The monk lowered his head in thought.  
  
"OH NO!" Akane bellowed. "WE'RE NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!"  
  
The monk sighed. Playing with youngsters was one of his few joys left in his dwindling years. Oh well. "What you need to do now is develop an artificial libido for Ranma, and perhaps that will stimulate his own innate libido to slowly grow for him as it should have when he was a boy. This is all I can think of to try."  
  
Ranma looked lost. Akane frowned in thought. "Artificial libido... you mean aphrodisiacs?"  
  
"It might trigger the necessary physical reaction, from which he can learn to enjoy himself in that way, thus encouraging his libido to develop naturally, though it's almost a moot point by then."  
  
Akane was analyzing that in her mind. If they could force Ranma's member to harden, then they could have sex. If they could have sex, Ranma would enjoy it (he'd better, or she was going to hurt him). If Ranma could enjoy sex, then he would want to do it again. If he wanted to do it again, his brain would naturally try to raise the organ in question to fulfil his wishes. This could work!  
  
She grinned eagerly and looked up at the monk. "Do you have any aphrodisiacs here?"  
  
The monk waved his arms angrily and yelled at her. "WHY IN BHUDDA'S NAME WOULD WE KEEP AFRODISACS IN TEMPLE???"  
  
Akane smacked her forehead. "Oh, right. Sorry." She and Ranma bowed deeply to the monk. "Thank you so much for you assistance."  
  
The monk gave them a small blessing. "Glad to be of help. Follow the Disciplines and lead a proper life."  
  
As the couple's footsteps faded away after they left the monk's chambers, he looked around carefully to make sure he was alone. Then he reached behind the statue of Bhudda and brought out a small medicinal bottle and a nudie magazine. Leaning back against the Bhudda's bronze belly, the old monk popped a Viagra into his mouth and flipped through the magazine with one hand as the other disappeared into his robes.   
  
Like a man with as few remaining years as he was going to deny himself one of life's most natural little joys. He was immensely grateful he'd stopped doing that stupid Shinki thing.  
  
*** 


	2. HypothermiaRated NC17 thanks to Ralf

Hi there! This is one of my 'Starter Kits'. [Actually, it HAD BEEN one of his 'Starter Kits'. I got it going so what should you call it now? A 'Running Kit'?] A fanfiction idea that seemed really good when I started, but ground to a halt when my creativity ran dry [You actually got some? Damn, I'm still looking for an affordable offer at E-Bay.], or as I became involved in other projects and completely forgot where I intended to go with this [Funny, I don't even need a diversion for something like that.]. So I'm posting these 'Starter Kits' up so that other authors can continue my ideas, flesh them out, or even take them in a wild new direction[Where the hell am I nowww..!!!]. All I ask is that you consult me before making changes to the part that I've put down here[Damn if I do.. err.. change anything is what I mean..]. Perhaps later I'll try to pick up from where you leave off, or we might just alternate writing chapters[Wouldn't that afford we actually had a plot?]. I'm intentionally leaving this open-ended [With me it's just a lack of ideas. Doesn't keep me from writing sequels though.].   
So, show me what you got, tough guy! [Aaaah! Pervert!]   
-Ron Hino 

[You actually know what that name translates to in Kisuaheli?]

[Just kidding.., RM]

(Ron Hino 30/01/02): I don't even know what language that is. What does it mean? Anyway RM, sorry I took so long to post this up.  
  
  
  
Hypothermia   
By Ron Hino and Ralf Martin   
  
  
Akane shivered in her sleeping bag. This trip was the worst idea their fathers had ever had. A training trip together in the coldest part of winter, all the way up in Hokkaido. There was no colder time or place in Japan than right here and now. The two idiots probably had images in their empty heads of two fiancés snuggling up together against the cold, or doing something a little more... carnal... to keep warm.   
  
Like hell!   
  
Shaking in the cold, Akane wished she could fall asleep. At least Daddy had had the decency to give her her own tent, for the sake of appearances, even if he didn't expect her to use it. The tent was a piece of crap, to be honest. It had to be 20 years old at least. The Tendos almost never went camping. There was even a small hole in the top, and a snowflake or two blew in every now and then.   
  
Akane sighed (a shudder actually; she was too cold to sigh). Maybe if their wedding had actually gone through, she might have felt more comfortable sharing a tent with Ranma, but it hadn't, and everything their relationship had gained had eventually degenerated back to square one; insults, yelling and hammers.   
  
God she was cold! But she'd rather die than crawl to Ranma, begging to snuggle up to him. She probably *would* die, of humiliation. No doubt Ranma would tease her about it, or make some sort of perverted assumption. No, she was better off here, bitterly cold or no.   
  
The wind changed again and a small burst of frigid air entered the tent. She shuddered in misery and tugged the edge of sleeping bag tighter around her head, curling up into a ball.   
  
She felt her mind start to get foggy. Good, she was falling asleep. Once asleep, she wouldn't have to suffer the cold. It would be so nice not to feel it anymore.   
  
So...   
  
...very...   
  
...nice.   
  
***   
  
Ranma lay in his tent awake. It was really cold out tonight. He tugged the edge of his feather-down packed winter sleeping bag up to his chin. He'd spent a lot of winters in tents with his father, and knew quite a lot about it. He sighed, wishing his father was here now. A big furry panda would have plenty of body heat to warm the air in this small tent, but Genma wasn't here, only Akane. Sharing a tent with Akane was out of the question as far as she was concerned. He didn't even bother to ask.   
  
At least he could be grateful for his equipment. The Saotomes' tent was of a modern, dome-shaped design that urged the cold wind to pass over it, rather than slam into the thin walls. That it was small in size also helped keep it a little warmer with only a single occupant. The material was better for keeping heat in too. Akane's was an older style, in the shape of a pyramid, that Mr. Tendo had pulled out of their attic. It was also quite a bit bigger, so they'd decided to put all the cooking gear and supplies in there with Akane's things.   
  
The fact that Akane would be sleeping next to the stove and food had been too good an opportunity to pass up. Ranma had exited the Tendo gates with a fresh lump on his thick skull.   
  
Ranma grinned as he considered that his sleeping bag was also newer, and better suited for winter. Akane's was designed for the spring/fall season, a rarely used piece of camping gear also pulled out of the attic, better suited for sleepovers at a friend's house.   
  
Ranma took a sadistic joy in the thought that the ill-tempered girl (who'd hit him no less than seven times on the way up here alone) was likely even colder than him.   
  
Ranma frowned as something occurred to him. He wasn't exactly roasting here. A week of nights like this and he'd probably develop a mild case of pneumonia. Akane was in a too-big tent in an inadequate sleeping bag, all alone. Not to mention she was a girl. Having a female body himself for more than two years, he'd discovered first hand that a girl's body couldn't hold in as much heat as a guy's. Thinking about it, Ranma began to get worried. On a night like this, the cold might be more than Akane might expect to survive!   
  
Ranma sighed. He'd have to somehow convince the stubborn tomboy that they should sleep in the same tent. How, was the big question. He didn't relish being slapped at this hour of the night. Maybe if he just explained it logically (like that had ever worked with her), from a safety point of view, while out of immediate hammer-range. He might even have time to explain half of it before she knocked him through one of her tent's walls.   
  
He sighed. Nothing to do but try. He reluctantly crawled out of his warm sleeping bag and pulled on his boots, coat and Stupid Hat.   
  
The Stupid Hat was Ranma's winter hat, which his father had bought him. The old fart had one just like it, which should tell you something about how anyone with a fashion sense would view it. The hat was a fuzzy, leather cap with big dumb-looking flaps that came down over the ears, to be tied under the chin like a bonnet. Ranma would wear the thing when it was cold enough, but never in a populated area. He'd nearly frozen his ears off before he reluctantly donned the thing in front of Akane earlier today. At least she didn't laugh aloud.   
  
Grabbing a flashlight, Ranma left his tent and zipped up the door flap as quickly as possible, to keep what little heat was inside, inside. He trudged through the blowing snow to Akane's tent, thankful she'd at least listened to him and turned her tent so the doorway faced downwind like his. The only thing worse than a blizzard outside the tent was when it blew inside.   
  
"Akane?" He called. "I'm coming in." There was no response. She was probably asleep already. When he went in, it felt to him like it was as cold in here as out there. He frowned as he felt wind on his face, even though he'd closed the door flap. He shone the flashlight up, spotting the place where one of the tent's four sides didn't go all the way to the top. It also happened to be the side opposite the door, and thus was open to the main blow of the storm. No wonder it was so cold in here.   
  
That was it then! No way Akane was sleeping in here!   
  
He knelt and called softly to her. "Akane?"   
  
She didn't stir. He raised his voice to a normal level. "Akane? Wake up."   
  
She still didn't move. He frowned and shook her shoulder, calling her name again. Akane Tendo lay like the dead.   
  
Now panicking, Ranma checked her pulse and breathing. Her pulse was slow, as was normal when a person was deeply asleep, but not very strong. Her breathing was shallow. People asleep took long, deep breaths.   
  
Her skin where he touched her neck was as cold as ice. Terrified, he dared to put his hand under her pajamas, on her stomach. She felt cold there too.   
  
Hypothermia. Akane was dying.   
  
His heart in his throat, Ranma scooped her up in her sleeping bag with her blankets and bolted back to his tent! He didn't even bother to close Akane's tent after him.   
  
As he lay her down, he was suddenly immensely grateful to his father (a rare thing indeed) that the old man had taught him how to treat hypothermia. Genma had had to do it to Ranma once, after the 8-year old had fallen through the ice over a river one winter. A slightly more accurate telling was that Genma had knocked him into it while sparing, the old man having forgotten the frozen river was there. Nonetheless, Genma had made sure to teach his son how it was done, after all, Ranma might need to save his 'dear' father's own ass one day.   
  
Ranma unzipped his warm sleeping bag, and lay Akane down on it. He quickly and efficiently stripped her to the nude, then did the same to himself. He crawled in with her and zipped up the bag. Then he had the idea to unzip Akane's sleeping bag all the way and throw it over both of them as a blanket. He lay down again once that was done.   
  
In his panic, he kept thinking of more and more things he could do to get Akane warmed up. He lit several emergency candles and put them at safe distances around the tent to add what heat they could to the air. As long as he didn't knock them over, they wouldn't burn the tent down. He didn't plan on moving about much anyway. Once (if?!) Akane woke up naked with him in the morning, that was another story, moving quickly would be a very good idea. Fortunately the candles should have long since burned down by then. It also occurred to him to snatch the Stupid Hat off his own head and put it on her. He tied the strings under her chin. It may have looked stupid, but it was marvelous at keeping one's head warm.   
  
Finally, unable to think of anything else he could do, Ranma settled down in the sleeping bag. It was a tight fit, being made for only one person, but that was good. The more of his warm skin pressed against her cold skin, the faster she would warm up. With that thought in mind, Ranma shifted so that he was lying on top of her, wrapping up her legs in his own and keeping her arms close to her body. He lay his chin in the cusp of her neck and left shoulder, and wrapped his left arm around her exposed neck. His free arm he pressed along her side. He figured that was about as tightly as he could possibly wrap her up. God, but her skin was cold. If he couldn't feel the tiny rise and fall of her chest, he would have thought he was lying with a corpse. The thought chilled him more than her cold skin.   
  
Now there was nothing more he could do for her but hold still and give her his warmth. As his panic receded, it finally registered that he was lying naked on top of a very cute (not that he'd admit it) girl who was also naked, her soft breasts (which were also bigger than he's admit) being pressed flat against his firm chest. Ranma flushed in embarrassment as a certain part of him began to swell and push itself between her thighs. Ranma reached down and adjusted himself so he wouldn't deflower her by accident. She was already going to kill him when she woke up, better to go for quick and painless rather than long and agonizing.   
  
With nothing to do but wait, Ranma's terrifying panic gave way to miserable worry. It took him a long time to fall asleep.   
  
***   
  
*** End of Ron Hino's Starter. The following is the work of Ralf Martin***

But first some legal stuff.

(RH: Oh yeah! Completely forgot the disclaimer. Oops! ^_^)

Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo are not the property of either Ron Hino or Ralf Martin for they belong to Rumiko Takahashi and whoever payed her those millions in licence-fees.

On the bright side, neither Ron Hino nor Ralf Martin are the property of either Rumiko Takahashi or her legal representatives. So if you write about us instead you save those stupid disclaimers. Not interested? Shame on you..

__

But now to something completely different... [John Cleese, almost every Episode of 'Monty Pythons Flying Circus']

***

__

Akane!

That voice. She knew that voice. It was him.

__

Can't you hear me?

Try as she might, she couldn't see him. It was so dark.

__

Please, Akane.. 

She tried to turn, to look around for him, but her body wouldn't move. Something was blocking her, pinning her arms to her side and weighting down on her legs.

__

I need you to hear me..!.

No, not something, she realized. Somebody was holding her close, wrapping himself around her like a living, breathing blanket. Protecting her, shielding her from harm. 

__

I wanted to tell you..

Yes! It was him! And now he would finally tell her. She just knew it. If only she could give him a sign that she was listening.

__

Akaneee!

No! Don't cry! I'm fine Ranma. 

Can't you hear me "Ran.." ..ma?

"Ran.. Ma.."

It had taken Ranma a while to fall asleep. Not because of the cold night lurking just outside the flaps of the tent. No, actually he had been feeling very warm, even almost uncomfortably so. This had been caused mainly by the fact that he was currently sharing his sleeping-bag with Akane and both he and she were, for solely practical reasons of cause, completely in the nude. A necessary measure to keep her warm after she almost froze to death in her inadequate tent and sleeping-gear, but as a matter of fact, it had started to play havoc with his hormones. Every time she shivered, every time she moved in her uneasy sleep, parts of her body that he didn't even dare to think about had rubbed against him. His instincts, those responsible for keeping him alive and in one piece, had told him to take a hike and gain a lot of distance before she had a chance to wake up and notice any of this. But he had ignored them, for he knew that it would take some time before her body-temperature would be back to an acceptable level, even with his added warmth. And even if it would cost him his life, not that unlikely given the circumstances and his fiancée's temper, he couldn't abandon her now. Then, there had been those other instincts. Those that didn't mind the aforementioned rubbing of body-parts and the resulting dispersion of endorphins all that much. Those that tried to convince him that it wouldn't be so bad to press a little closer to her, touch a little, stroke a little... He had tried to squash those thoughts, but the little buggers were tough and came back with every involuntary movement. So he had clenched his teeth and ignored his instincts, no matter what they said, and after what seemed like hours of almost endless torture, he had finally dozed off into a dreamless slumber.

It didn't last long. If he had to judge by the feel of it couldn't be more than a mere couple of minutes until his eyes snapped open again. But who could tell for sure? It took him a while to realize what had woken him. Akane, the girl he was currently covering to the best of his abilities, was struggling in his awkward embrace. Ranma felt his heart increase its pace. She was still with him. This was good, great even. But even through his rising euphoria he still remembered her sometimes volatile sleeping-habits. So he instinctively fastened his hold on her, fearing for the sleeping-bag's ongoing existence should she lash out like she sometimes did with her covers back home. But the moment his arms tightened around her the struggling stopped and Akane's seemed to relax. Ranma was just about to sigh in relief when the hairs on his neck suddenly stood on end.

"Ran..?"

Shit, had he woken her up?

"Ran.. Ma.."

Oh God, oh God.. She was going to kill him! She would notice their current state of dress and then she would come to the unavoidable conclusion and then she would scream and mallet him out into the night and then the tent would be ruined and the sleeping-bag would be destroyed and she would still freeze to death and so would he because given his usual luck he would hit a river or a lake and no matter how tough he was he wouldn't survive that on a cold night like this because even if he should make it back in time she would never let him get his clothes back and she would call him a pervert again and... His morbid train of thought got suddenly interrupted by a hand that snaked its way out of the confines of the sleeping-bag to softly touch his cheek.

"Ranma?" he heard her whisper in a sleepy voice, "Sorry I scared you.."

That she had, indeed. Though he still waited for the hammer to fall. 

"Could hear you, .. couldn't respond.. Don't worry, I'm fine.."

Slowly it dawned on him that the only reason that he was still among the living was courtesy of the fact that Akane still mostly out of it. Or maybe even better, she was just talking in her sleep. Maybe acting out some dream she had, though he couldn't for the life of him figure out what it should be to make her sound so,.. so.. affectionate. Well, only one way to find out for sure.

"Akane?" he asked cautiously. "You're alive in there?"

"M-hmm..." came the positive reply. "Just tired.."

So much for the 'talking in her sleep'-theory. But all was not lost. If he could just think of a way to break the news to her gently before she found out for herself...

Ranma almost jumped as Akane began to cuddle even closer, if that was possible, a content sigh escaping her lips.

"Just great.." he murmured, trying frantically to ignore an overload of sensory input in his chest and groin. "Hey, Akane..?"

"Hmmm.."

He took a deep breath, trying to put off the inevitable for a couple of more seconds.

"I don't really know how to say this.. but.. there's something I should tell you."

Sometimes, in your sleep, you are so deeply immersed that you will never notice that you are dreaming, no matter how impossible the scenario. You can fly, walk through magical forests or talk to whales. It doesn't matter how impossible your surroundings, you just take them at face-value. And sometimes, you dream of something mundane, and everything is just like it is in real-life. Your house, your family, your job, everything is just like it is supposed to be. But there is this feeling, this little voice in the back of your head, that informs you in no uncertain way that you are just in the middle of another REM-phase. And then there are those times when you just can't decide. Is it real? Is it not? Because the scenario ain't exactly impossible. It might be something that could happen for real though you never actually thought it would. Like riding a jet-bike through the Caribbean surf though you usually spend your holidays at home. You feel the sun on your back and the wind whipping through your hair, the waves crashing against your ride as your adrenaline-rush urges you to go faster and faster. It feels so real, but still, it is too good to be true. So how do you tell ? More important, do you care to find out at all? Or do you just enjoy the experience?

At the moment, Akane was happy to ignore all her higher cerebral functions to simply bask in the sensation of two strong arms around her, one a comfortable pillow, the other holding her tight to a warm, muscular chest. She knew exactly who they belonged to, and it didn't irk her one bit. On the contrary, it was part of the reason why it felt so good. Too few were the times when Ranma held her like this, only after the greatest of struggles or the longest of separations, that she couldn't afford to waste just one second on anything else but pure enjoyment. Even if she was partially aware that this had to be a dream. But then again, she was no stranger to those. What was it this time? Jusenkyo again? She remembered his voice calling for her to come back just like it had that fateful day. Waking up in his arms to see him scared, unbelieving, ecstatic. All those emotions washing over his face and more. It had been so easy to believe that he loved her back then, she even thought she heard him say so. As easy as it was now, lying secure in his embrace, their naked bodies wrapped around one another... Wait a minute.. Naked..? Oh, so it was one of those dreams. Akane smiled to herself. No way she would ever admit to it in real life, but she really liked those.

".. so I went over to your tent to see if you're all-right and it was freezing in there. And when I called you didn't answer so I checked you and you were already half-dead from the cold and I didn't know what else to do so I brought you over here and made sure that you're kept warm and you probably gonna hate me for this but that's how pop told me it's done, not that I usually listen to him, but I didn't know what else to do and I.. I'm sorry.. You're probably gonna call me a pervert again but I didn't do anything, I swear..!" Ranma's hasty explanation trailed off to cower fearfully in a corner of the tent while he waited for a response on the part of his fiancée. Akane's first reaction was a strange sound from deep in her throat. Ranma guessed it had to be a growl, though if it was, it was the strangest one he'd ever heard. It made his hair stand on end though. Then she used her hand, the one still resting by his cheek that he had all but forgotten about in his haste to explain the situation, to get a hold of his neck. With the leverage thus gained and a little push from her legs, she slid up along his body until her head could move freely in the crook of his neck. Ranma almost cried out as the friction her body produced shot waves of fire through him.

"A.. Akane..?" he stammered helplessly in face of the fact that, if she continued to do stuff like this, his resolve to not do anything perverted might go down faster than the 'Titanic'. And just like Captain Smith he too saw his doom coming, only that it was no iceberg that ripped a line through his protective shielding. He felt little kisses and little bites being placed just beneath his ear and working their way down to his shoulders.

"What the.. what are you..?" Again he got distracted as her other hand began to crawl down his lower back, suddenly grabbing his butt to pull their bodies closer together. The increased pressure on his nether-regions put a very interesting strain on a very sensitive body-part. Ranma couldn't take it anymore. He yelped, and with a shudder rattling his body, he buried his face in her shoulder, his free arm crushing her torso to his in an almost spasmodic embrace. Naturally, this didn't make things any easier for him, because now his ear was close to her throat and he couldn't help but notice all the guttural, little noises she kept making. Those really got to him in a way his already failing restraint couldn't manage anymore. In a last-ditch effort he tried to shut out all those impressions threatening to cut loose his usually oh-so well-guarded libido. 

This was what Akane wanted. More than that, this was what Akane needed. Nobody and nothing standing between them. No foes, no family, no stupid fiancées. Not even their own misdirected perceptions about what was the right or wrong thing to do or say. Just her and Ranma. Her Ranma. No matter if there had been a wedding or not, deep down he had been always hers. Maybe as an unwanted gift at first, but almost inperceptively he had turned into something so elementary to her very being that she couldn't truly imagine living without him. So what if she never told him? He was here in her arms, his body responding to her slightest touch, the tiniest brush of her lips, ridiculing any remarks about unsexy tomboys he had ever made and giving her a feeling of control she never experienced anywhere else in her life. It was simply overwhelming to know that she could affect him this way. And therefore, as she noticed a throbbing appendage pressing into her thigh that wasn't previously accounted for consciously, she took it as a further indicator of just how much she was affecting him. Acting on a naughty impulse she reached down to check for herself the state of his passion. And why not? After all, this was her dream..

'Ice-storms, uncute, cold showers, mallets, Soul-of-Ice, pervert, ..'

Ranma desperately repeated those words like a mantra while he helplessly watched his defenses crumble under Akane's passionate ministrations.

Too bad that Ice-storms only reminded him of what had forced them into this situation.

Too bad that he already knew that 'uncute' was just a worn-out lie.

Too bad that cold-showers and a girl's body were one and the same, well at least in his case.

And he even suspected that mallets were somehow a weird sign of passion.

He felt like crying as the carnal beast that lurked deep inside even the most celibate of saints threatened to break its shackles. The helpless feeling of being unable to do anything to make it stop, of maybe even wanting Akane to make him loose control, to give him an excuse for something he simply knew she would hate him for afterwards, made him want to roar in frustration. The scream got stuck in his throat though as another unexpected experience threatened to shut his brain down. A hand that most definitely wasn't his own had taken his most sensitive body-part in a firm but gentle grip, all fingers curled around the shaft except one that stroked the area along the base. 

"So I'm not sexy, hmm..?" he heard Akane purr into his ear. "Doesn't seem that way to me..."

The only response he was able to give at the moment was a very audible gulp as he was too busy with keeping his eyes inside his skull. He thought he heard her mumble something but he couldn't understand one word.

"W.. what..?" Ranma asked absentmindedly as most of his awareness was currently somewhere else.

"..all mine.." he heard her repeat contently, "..better remember that."

This statement managed to set off some alarms in the back of his head that, sadly, or luckily, depending on your preferences, got drowned out in the general tumble of his emotions as fast as they had appeared.

"Remember what..?" he managed to press through clenched teeth.

"This.." she explained to him in a way that made him see her grin even in the darkness, while giving his dick a light squeeze, ".. belongs to me. Got that?"

Again, all that Ranma could do was gulp, his brain still in a state of shock. After all, she couldn't really mean that, right? Meanwhile, Akane got impatient with her dream-lover. With another squeeze, maybe a little less gentle than the first one, she reminded him that he still owed her an answer.

"Who does it belong to..?" she requested in a low voice.

With still no answer coming from her stupefied mate, she squeezed even harder, reminding him of an all-important fact.

"Remember.. got you by the balls.. darling."

"Gnaagh.." Ranma replied, the pain in his groins overriding much of his earlier arousal and cutting through his petrifaction like a katana through an old cucumber. The problem was that, even though this resupplied him with part of his wit, he suddenly found himself in a no-win situation. Because just like any other man faced with the choice between castration and, let's say, eternal, humiliating damnation in agonizing slavery, he already knew the outcome.

"To.. to you..?" he asked cautiously.

There was an ominous pause as Ranma waited for a reaction to those words. He got it in form of a lessening pressure on his partially deflated member and a purring fiancée gently resuming her prior ministrations.

"Yep, ..to me.." she agreed in a dreamy voice "..and you know what?"

"Yeah..?"

"..I'll never let go again.."

In a way the passion was gone. Or rather, it had lost it's urgency. She didn't need to go all the way today. For some reason she didn't feel up to the task anyway. As soon as Ranma had acknowledged her claim, it was suddenly enough to simply keep touching him. The unbiased affection of those tender caresses, the innocence behind that need for intimate contact, gave her a greater feeling of fulfillment than even the most arousing of her prior dreams ever had. The funny part was, that in those dreams Ranma usually made far greater commitments, telling her of her beauty, of how much he loved her and that he could never live without her. The usual mushy stuff. But on those occasions he had always sounded more like something out of a movie, not so reluctant, so scared, so..well.. Ranma. It was hard to explain, but it made all the difference. So Akane relaxed in the security of her lover's embrace and allowed herself to be carried into other dreams. 

He could feel her relax in his arms, her head sinking back and her ministrations slowly subsiding. In a way he was relieved that she hadn't gone further, in another way he was disappointed. Ranma didn't complain though. For now, he was content that she seemed to recover quite nicely from her case of hypothermia. Briefly he wondered if he had simply dreamed the whole episode, but he quickly discarded the thought because honestly, his dreams usually made more sense than this. But he couldn't help to wonder what had made her act like that. Ranma had to admit that he kind of liked this unexpected side of her. A smile was plastered all over his face as he cautiously arranged their bodies in a more comfortable position. For a while he was content to gently stroke her hair, listening to the soft snores she emitted near his ear.

"Good night, tomboy.." he finally whispered before placing a tender kiss on her cheek without a second thought. Closing his eyes he noticed, just before drifting off to sleep, that, true to her word, she never let go of him.

Waking up is always a strenuous task. And if you are subconsciously aware that there is a freezing world waiting for you outside of your warm and cozy bedstead, that knowledge doesn't help at all. All you want to do in a situation like that is turn around and doze for an additional couple of hours. Especially if you've got nothing else planned for the day anyway. But there's one thing that will scrap those wonderful plans in the most obnoxious way possible. It's called a bladder. And at the moment it was forcing a bleary-eyed Akane to struggle out of this comfy sleeping-bag and embark on a frantic hunt for some clothes. Her pajamas she found immediately but none of her other clothes. So she donned Ranma's coat instead as well as his boots. She didn't care as long as it kept her warm. Stepping out of the tent she hurried over to a couple of bushes she had used for the same purpose the day before. There, Akane relieved herself of her most pressing need. But now that her mind was finally off that urgent business and with the cold air of this chilly winter-morning dispersing the last of the sleep induced fog clouding her perception, she started to notice one or two peculiar details. Like, how did Ranma's clothes end up in her tent? The answer to this became pretty obvious as she walked back to the camp. There was some fresh snow lying undisturbed in front of her own tent while the traces she had made on her way to the lavatory led to the smaller, dome-shaped one. Ranma's tent. She had obviously spent the night in Ranma's tent! But how? She didn't remember coming over last night even though, deep down, she knew that this would have been the smarter choice. Especially considering what little protection her tent had offered in terms of warmth. So what had happened? Had Ranma simply dragged her over during the night? She wouldn't put it beyond him. As far as she could tell, he might prefer that to simply ask her over. An idiot, maybe, but a caring one. That wouldn't save him from getting bonk'ed of cause, after all there were standards to uphold. But she would possibly go easy on him this time. Still something nagged at her and she couldn't put her finger down on it. Maybe if she talked with Ranma about last night she might figure out what bugged her. With that thought in mind she headed for his tent, and just as she stuck her head through the flaps it hit her like a ton of bricks. Only one sleeping-bag. Une. Uno. Eins. And she had been naked when she woke up. Did this mean...

"Oh my god.."

No bucket of water emptied over his head, no nagging father going on and on about martial-arts training, no fiancée screaming his name, plus perfect bladder-control. So why on earth should Ranma bother to wake up? A valid question, but he opened his bleary eyes anyway. Rolling on his back, he stared at the ceiling of his tent. Man, what a night. Had she really grabbed him THERE? Yupp, she had. No way he would imagine something like that. A smile played across his lips. That girl, always getting him into situations like this. And when something went wrong it was of course always his fault. That reminded him of something. Akane was obviously already up but he didn't feel like she had bashed him yet. Well, that was probably only a matter of time. After all, what could he probably tell her that wouldn't result in a beating? 'Hey Akane, sorry I had to strip you last night, but it was only in your own best interest. You don't mind, do you?' Like hell she wouldn't. Though, if last night was any indication, it might be worth it, weathering this storm. After all, one malleting more or less wouldn't make much difference to him and after that she might be more inclined to hear him out. A short vision of the both of them lying cuddled in a tight knot and chatting idly about this and that filled his mind for some glorious moments. Until the real world called him back in form of an opening flap. Turning his head he saw Akane stare at him. Any other time he would have laughed at her sight, with her hair sticking out wildly from under his funny hat she was still wearing and her nose red from the coldness outside. But that look of absolute terror on her face drenched any mirth he might have experienced otherwise. 

"Oh my god.." was all he heard her whisper before she bolted away.

No!

No way!

Impossible!

He couldn't have..!

She would remember if he..

I they..

But how..

The pervert..!

Just the two of them..

Alone..

Helpless..

Helpless..?

Had he..?

No!

He would never..!

But why..?

How..?

Naked..

Warm..

Warm..?

She should have known..

Known what..

Something would happen..

Had to..

How..?

When..?

Why..?

Why no memories..?

Only fragments..

Images..

Dreams..

Dreams..?

Ranma cursed under his breath as he rushed after his wayward fiancée.

"Damn, when did she learn to run that fast! I'm gonna turn into an icicle 'til I catch up with her.."

A plausible estimation considering that he only wore a hastily donned sweater and some pants at the moment. Not the most protective of garments against this icy weather, but then again, his boots and his coat were still running ahead of him. His numbing feet skidded across the fresh snow as he rushed down a hill, more gliding than running as he tried to keep up with Akane. 

"Stupid tomboy, now that what I get for saving her butt..."

Just then he noticed that her mad dash had stopped, her suddenly motionless figure a silhouette against the rising sun. He cancelled his own tempo and approached her in a more cautious pace.

"Akane?" he called out. 

No answer came forth, but as he came closer he noticed why. She seemed completely focused on her right hand that she held up against the light, examining it like some strange find. 

"Akane?" he tried again, getting her attention this time.

"Yeah..?" she replied, sounding completely out of it.

"Listen, because of last night.." he started out hastily, "..I can explain that. You see.."

"Ranma." This cut his explanation short. Not because she shouted or cried at him. Simply because she delivered his name in a quiet, shaking voice. A horrified voice.

"I.. I can't remember.." she continued, almost choking on the words. "Did we.. did we.."

She didn't really have to spell it out for him. Her posture, looking like she was contemplating to hack off her arm, the terror sounding through every word she spoke, already did that for him. Ranma couldn't exactly see the disgusted expression on her face, thanks to the sun in her back, but then again, he didn't need to. You don't call a guy names like 'pervert' for a prolonged period of time without giving him an idea or two about what exactly you think of the concept of getting intimate with him. 

"No," he answered in a suddenly much calmer, almost reserved voice, "we didn't do nothing. So don't worry."

He watched as her posture relaxed with his words, her shoulders slumping and a sigh of relief escaping her lips. She didn't say anything else though, no 'whoop' of joy, no lecture about him scaring her. Akane simply stood there, lost in contemplation. A light wind came up, cutting through Ranma's sparse cloth, and though his mind didn't register that much, his body did, resulting in a shiver. Rubbing his arms to produce some warmth, he realized that he was way past time for returning to camp. Figuring that Akane was unlikely to do anything rash just now and that he wasn't her favorite company anyway, he decided to leave. Turning around, he cast one last look over his shoulder. She hadn't moved yet and he wondered if she would even notice if he was gone. 

'Probably not,' he thought sadly, 'probably not at all..'

We didn't do nothing..

Yes, those words relieved her. Though she didn't take them at face-value. Waking up butt-naked next to someone you had a longstanding history of warring emotions with could hardly be labeled 'nothing'. But they hadn't gone all the way.. they hadn't done the deed,.. they hadn't..

'Damn,' Akane chided herself, 'I can't even think it. What a joke. We didn't have sex, that's what we didn't. Sex. Sex! Sex, sex, SEX BLOODY SEX..!!' 

Standing with her head bowed, almost panting from the mental exertion, she allowed herself a wry smile. 

'There, it wasn't that hard, was it?'

And no, it really wasn't. It was funny in a way, how she was able to dream about things that she would simply die talking about out loud. And why was that? Because it could lead to those dreams becoming a reality? So what? Wasn't that something she wanted anyway? At least when she wasn't angry, or confused, or plain scared. She had to admit that those emotions took up a pretty big part of her days. And who's fault was that? Ranma's of course, well mostly anyway. But a little, a tiny, itsy-bitsy little bit, was hers. Hers alone.

She raised her head, looking back to where Ranma had vanished to. He hadn't looked too happy when he had left. Small wonder, he must have been freezing in his light clothes. Why did he go and run after her in such a getup anyway? Oh, right, she was wearing his stuff. He was such a moron sometimes. One of those times he was going to hurt himself, always running after her without thinking, like he usually did. As it was, he stood a pretty good chance of catching a cold already. It would be better if she returned and gave him back his clothes. And maybe change into something more appropriate than her pajamas. Yes, that's what she would do.

Ranma himself wasn't very concerned about his health. After he had returned to his tent, he simply sat down on his sleeping bag and rubbed his feet back to sensitivity. Sure, once he got them there, they developed into a real pain but he ignored it. If they hurt then they were still alive, so that was fine with him. Not that he had been too worried about developing frostbite. After all, if he had once survived giving his whole body a deep-freeze in his fight with Mr. Firebird of the Phoenix-people, what could a little snow possibly do to him? He did don two pairs of pretty thick socks though, just to stay on the safe side. Then he started to gather his equipment. He figured that he should be able to get most off his stuff packed before Akane returned. And when she would graciously come back then he would put down the tents while she could get her own things together and they might be on the road by noon. But as he sat there, folding his little stove and securing it in his pack, he couldn't help but let his mind drift back to last night. She had called his name, that was true. So what? That didn't really mean that she had been aware of his presence. Or that she had dreamed of him at that. After all, how many of his own dreams had started out with one of the other girls groping him or trying to kiss him and suddenly the scene had changed and suddenly he was holding… Anyway, dreams weren't exactly famous for their continuity, so maybe she had started out dreaming of him and then his dream-persona had changed into someone she, well, liked more. That would explain why she had sounded so contend, so.. passionate. Hah, she hadn't just sounded passionate, she had god-damn grabbed him by the balls! Well, not him as such. She wouldn't touch HIM there, that much had been made clear out there. But whoever she had been dreaming about, it had been his nuts that almost got cracked. Now, who did she try to blackmail into that stupid pledge anyway? And, hey, it was blackmail if he ever saw one. Living with someone like Nabiki gave him a lot of experience on that topic. It couldn't be Kuno. She wouldn't have to go to any lengths to get him in the sack. Man, what was he thinking, of course it couldn't be Kuno. Doc Tofu? Could be. Maybe she wasn't over her crush on him after all. But then again, the Doc had moved away a while ago, hadn't he? So her chances on living out her dream were rather slim. So should that make him feel good or bad now? The same was true in case it had been that Shinnosuke-guy. He was still back in his forest. That was a pretty far way from home. The only guy he knew actually managing to craw into her bed in real-life was Ryouga. Only she didn't know about that. Or did she? No, Akane wouldn't play games like that. If she would be fooling around with bacon-breath he would know. Hell, Ryouga would have told him, and in no uncertain terms. Wouldn't it be funny though if Akane dreamed about sleeping with umbrella-boy while she actually did a lot of the time? Ranma thought about it but somehow failed to see the humor of the situation. Might have been the lack of breakfast, but he didn't feel like laughing at the moment.

Akane heard the clanging of pots from Ranma's tent as she finally found her way back, so she knew exactly where to find him. Ducking through the entrance, she saw Ranma stuff his remaining possessions into his pack and fasten the straps.

"Ranma?" she called out confused. "What are you doing?"

"Gee, what does it look like?" he replied without any outward sign of surprise by her appearance. "I'm packing, that's what."

"Hey, I can see that," Akane snapped indignantly. Then, in a less confident voice she continued. "But I thought we'd stay here for a while?"

"Huh, why would we do that?" He looked up from his pack, a light frown grazing his features. "Your tent ain't no good in this type of weather, so I figure it's better we head home. This trip has been a stupid idea anyway."

Akane wondered about this. Until now, he had seemed determined to pull this trip through, even if it was just to get away from their nagging fathers. And now he wanted to go home after just one day? Ranma just wasn't the type to give up at the first complication.

"If my tent's that bad, couldn't I just...you know, sleep in here?" she asked, gesturing at the empty ground in general.

The frown on Ranma's face didn't grow any less with her unexpected proposal.

"Your sleeping-bag ain't much better than your tent. You would still be too cold. Say, you're not in any hurry to freeze to your death, are you?"

Akane raised an eyebrow, one part of the puzzle finally falling into place.

"Is that why you brought me in here last night.?"

He didn't answer that question, at least not directly. He only shrugged and returned to the all-important task of tending to his pack.

Not that there was much left to do, but he didn't want her to notice the blush creeping up his cheeks.

Akane wouldn't let it rest though.

"And was stripping me naked actually necessary or couldn't you just resist the chance to get a cheap feel or two while you were at it?" she asked him provokingly.

"Hey, watch it!" he called out, his head snapping up though he never looked at her directly, his fists clenching into his pack.. "It didn't do that for fun! Just so you know, that's simply how you treat a freezing person, even if it's an uncute, unsexy.. , un.. " Ranma shook his head in defeat, suddenly at a loss for words as his short-lived rage made room for frustration. "Aah, you know what I mean.." he finished lamely.

"Actually, I do." Akane agreed, sounding strangely amused. And when Ranma looked up at her, confused by the lack of aggression in her response, she even sported a wry grin.

"For someone who's so damn good at staying cool in a fight," she told him in the same funny voice, "you're pretty easy to provoke any other time, ever noticed that?"

"Yeah, right, like you're the one to talk.." he mumbled, trying to glare at her but failing miserably.

"Probably not," Akane agreed with a shrug. Bridging the gap between them, she dropped on her haunches to come level with his face. "But I think I know a way to get better.." Her hand came up, close enough to his cheek that he could feel her warmth but not quite touching. They shared a frown that moment, his one of confusion and hers one of hesitation.

"I.. I believe we should stay," she continued, an urgent note entering her voice. "There's nobody here to disturb us or to tell us what to do, or not to. That's solely up to us. So maybe that's a chance for us to, you know, cool down a little. And maybe we could.."

Unable to come to terms with what she was proposing to him, Ranma reached up and grabbed the hand still hovering next to his cheek by the wrist. Somehow it reminded him more of a slap than anything else. Akane, feeling the power behind that grip, could only stare at his rapidly darkening expression.

"Sounds really cozy," he told her in a harsh voice that contradicted his words. "Just you 'n me and the sleeping-bag, huh? Now that sounds more like something our dads would come up with. Scrap that, it's exactly what they came up with it! Or why do you think they supplied you with that junk in the first place?" He pulled her closer by her arm, his voice dropping to a hiss as their noses almost touched. "Listen, I don't know why you're suddenly so eager to play along, but I ain't. So drop the act already." With those words he let go of her arm, pushing it away in fact. Reacting quickly despite her shock, Akane managed to remain upright by putting her arms behind her, her eyes never breaking contact with Ranma's.

"This is no act.." she insisted desperately.

Ranma didn't seem impressed, if anything his scowl getting worse. One of his arms shot up, gesturing towards the exit.

"Oh yeah? If that's so, then why did you look like you're going to puke out there? Why did you run like all hell was after you? Frankly, I'm almost surprised you still got that hand. You sure looked like you wanted to rip it off just then!"

Akane could only stare at him with wide eyes, her mouth working soundlessly as she digested his tirade. Finally she got some words out. 

"You.. You.." Suddenly her body catapulted forward, tackling a surprised Ranma, the leading shoulder knocking the wind right out of him with brutal force. "You bonehead!"

The force of the attack carried them to the other side of the tent, no big distance, but not bad for a sitting start either. 

They ended up in a heap and Akane used the advantage of a still winded Ranma to pin him down, sitting on his stomach and holding down his arms.

"You want to know why I panicked?" she screamed down at him. "You want to know why I was scared? I'm gonna tell you why, and I don't care if you gonna laugh about it or not. Do you remember China? Then you sure remember how I almost died over there, right? Well I don't! All I remember is waking up in your arms and hearing you say that you loved me. But that was all I needed to know. It didn't matter anymore that you were some stupid, insensitive, arrogant… brat most of the time. It didn't matter that you never paid me compliments or took me out or things like that. And when dad came up with another wedding I even said 'yes'. I don't know if you ever thought about it, but there's something that's supposed to happen between a bride and her groom on the wedding-night, and that's nothing I'd ever do with someone I despise!" Akane breathed heavily, the adrenaline coursing through her system making her heart run wild. And maybe a little from the way she was sitting on Ranma, holding him down. Though the fact that he had stopped squirming helped her concentrate on the important issues.

"But of course, things went wrong.." she told him, a little calmer maybe, but no less intense, "We just had to get in an argument again and you just had to deny everything and then the others just had to show up… You know the story, you've been there after all. Well, things got back to normal again soon after that, but for me, normal wasn't enough anymore. I had felt so sure about you, even if it was only for a short time and I couldn't stand that old guessing-game anymore. And to make things worse I started to dream about what should have been. I knew exactly how you were feeling about me in those dreams, because you told me, again and again. And I could reach out and touch you without you backing away or you would come over and just hold me. And sometimes,.. sometimes.,. well, like I said, you surely do know what couples do on their wedding-night? And the next morning I wake up and it was once again just a dream. It was so frustrating! To see you every morning and you're still that same big-mouthed jerk as always and to know that anything else is just my own stupid fantasy…" Shaking her head sadly, Akane looked down, pleading for understanding from her shell-shocked fiancé, her voice dropping to something barely above a whisper. "But this morning was different. Because I had one of those dreams again, but when I woke up, you were still there. And it felt so right, so natural, that I didn't stop to think about it until I had to get up. Sure, once I actually was up I started to wonder, but you know what? I didn't have the slightest of clues what had happened. This might have been the most important night of my life, something I'd want to remember to the end of time, and I simply missed it! Leaving me with nothing but some confusing impressions like out of one of those dreams. Dreams that had never been real before. I just couldn't take it. And that's why I panicked.. That's why I ran.. " 

Ranma simply lay on his back, not by choice but too confused at the moment to do anything about it. He was stunned by the sheer force of emotions running through him, both his own and those of the girl pinning him to the ground. He didn't know whether to believe her or not. Whether he dared to or not. Akane dreaming of him? That kind of dream? It was such an alien concept, and yet such an alluring one. And she sounded so sincere, so desperate. It was almost impossible that this was just an act. But how could this be real? She had always been so distant, so rejecting, when it came to anything physical. Especially of late she had kept her distance pretty thoroughly. Well, except for the occasional punch in his face. Truth be told, he hadn't acted much different either. Yet, if Akane should chose to scuttle a little backwards right now, she would no doubt find out that he was attracted to her anyway, never mind his protests telling otherwise. So if she insisted on feeling the same way...

Akane continued to watch her fiancé, waiting for a response, a sign, anything to show that he understood. But he was simply staring back at her with a blank expression, eyes unfocused. Just as she considered slapping him, to snap him out it, whatever 'it' may be, the corners of his mouth came up in a soft grin.

"Man," he said dreamily, "I never thought anyone could look good wearing that stupid hat."

"What?!" she called out, confused by the unexpected remark.

"Remember my hat? The fluffy one with the flaps? You're still wearing it."

Without thought, Akane's hands shot up to the sides of her head and, true to his words, she wore that stupid thing, though she couldn't explain how it got there in the first place. Suddenly, there was a shout of 'An opening! and Ranma's did a sit-up, swiftly securing Akane's position on his lap by snaking his arms around her waist before she had a chance to slide off him. 

"You know," he told her in a low voice before she could protest, his nose just inches from hers, "If you're just making this up I'm gonna take that real bad…"

Akane gulped, mesmerized by the intense look in his eyes.

"I'm not making this up.." she finally managed to croak.

Ranma seemed to consider her answer for a while before he simply nodded.

"Good," he said, the grin slowly returning to his features. That was all he did. He just sat there on the ground, grinning at Akane while simply holding her securely in place.

She got restless after a while, his continued silence making her nervous.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she finally asked, unable to take it any longer.

"Sure," he agreed with a cocky grin, but nothing more coming forth. 

"And..?" she querried, impatient for any kind of reaction to her confessions.

The look of Ranma's face changed slightly, getting a little more thoughtfull though he still kept that grin in place.

"You ever noticed that half of my troubles start with me shooting off my mouth without thinking?" he finally asked.

Akane let out a sigh, nodding her head in agreement.

"You could say that…"

"See," he told her wistfully, "that's why I'm taking my time to think first . And you've got to promise me something."

Akane frowned slightly, wondering about what he was building up to.

"And what's that?"

"Not much," he replied with a shrug, "just that you won't kill me 'till I'm through with explaining. Think you can do that?"

Akane simply stared at him, considering her options. Kill him? Why should she want to do that? But then, giving his skill with words, she might probably feel like it. And interrupt something she wanted quite badly that way, if he was really about to give it. An answer to the question of how he was feeling for her. Frankly, she couldn't afford to botch up a chance like this. 

"Ok, I won't interrupt you," she agreed in a serious voice.

"Pinky promise?" he asked, holding up his right hand.

Akane couldn't help a giggle escaping her because of his innocent, wide-eyed expression, and his childish behaviour.

"Pinky promise!" she confirmed, encircling his little finger with her own.

"Back when you told me that you heard me saying that I love you," Ranma began after taking a deep breath, "you really got me there. Because you see, I don't really remember everything I said to you, I mean, you could have been dead! I wasn't really in a mood to take notes. But I tried to remember anyway and the more I thought about it.. I.. I'm still sure that I didn't say those words." 

As soon as this was out, Ranma could feel Akane stiffen on his lap. One hand pushing away against his chest while the other tried to break free from his little finger. Her expression, shocked at first, transformed to a hurt glare as her mouth opened to suck in breath, for a angry reply no doubt. But for once, Ranma wouldn't have any of this.

"Stuff it Akane! You promised..!" he growled at her, forcing up their still linked hands for her to see and returning her glare with one of his own. There was a long moment of silence, interrupted only by their heavy breathing, like two prize-fighters panting in their corners and waiting for the next round. Finally Akane deflated a bit. She still sat stiff as a board and glared at him, but it was clear that she wouldn't do anything rash, yet. Ranma nodded in approval, his posture relaxing slightly.

"You know, that's one of the real big problems between us," he told her, sounding slightly pained, "you never let me get to the good part.."

This brought a crack into Akane's glare, as confusion became a part of her dominant emotions. Ranma noticed this, relieved that she obviously seemed to listen to him. So he continued, desperate to deliver his message as long as it lasted

"Like I said, I'm pretty sure I didn't say it because, at the point were I could have said anything like that, I was already too damn busy screaming your name at the top of my lungs. But the strange thing is, I'm not sure if that proves that you're wrong about it either. You said that you're sure that you heard me 'somehow'. And who knows? Between all that we've been through, you know, like monsters and ghosts and.. and curses.."

By now Akane had given in to confusion completely, looking at him with wide eyes while trying desperately to understand what he was getting at. Ranma, for his part, changed his grip, releasing one finger to take the whole hand in an almost painfull hold as he tried to gather his courage to continue.

"I guess the bottom-line is," he finally conluded in a nervous voice, "that if you're sure that you heard it, then maybe that's true too. It just wasn't coming from my mouth…"

Now it was Ranma's turn to wait for a reply and as he did so, he started to fidget. Akane, for her part, seemed frozen in place, her big-eye'ed expression one of disbelief, mixed with more than a little fear. For all she knew Ranma would never say something like that outside of a dream and yet, if she would wake up now and find this just another one of her fantasies, then she knew she would die on the spot. Well, maybe not exactly die, but at least she would be ready to show even Ryouga a thing or two about depressions. Akane wasn't even sure if that was the scary part. Because if this was all real, then Ranma had just admitted that they might already have crossed the line where a simple 'I love you' really mattered. If that was true it wasn't for them to chose whether they wanted to stay together or not. Once again. They simply had to, like they had to breathe and sleep and eat. All the independence she always longed for out of reach forever because of one stupid, insensitive, braggant boy. And somehow, it made her feel so.. so..

Ranma almost jerked as he saw the expression on Akane's face turn from a confused one to something deadly serious.

"Ranma," she said in a strangely neutral voice, "let go."

The she simply waited for him to heed her words. And he did so, reluctantly, even if it was simply out of shock. His mouth working wordlessly he let his hands drop to his sides. His face took on a defeated expression as he watched Akane gather her feet beneath her and hover over him in a crouch, looking around the tent while nodding to herself.

"This will have to do.." he heard her say before she suddenly grabbed him by the front of his shirt and hoisted him up in a feat of strenghth, only to immediately throw him down again, right onto the sleeping-bag.

"Hey, why did you do that.." he shouted more out of reflex as he got up on his elbows.. 

"Stop whining, idiot," was all he got for a reply from the girl that was currently busy making sure that the flaps of the tent were shut tight. To Ranma's surprise she didn't sound angry or mad, if anything she sounded impatient. So he figured the best course of action to do exactly as she told him and shut up. He had the feeling that he would get his answer pretty soon anyway.

Turning around after sealing the entrance, Akane noticed with satisfaction that Ranma was still right in the spot where she had put him. She moved to the middle of the tent, the only place where she was able to stand upright, and looked down at him with a calculating grin.

"You know," she told the obviously still startled boy as she pushed the shoes from her feet, kicking them aside, "you can have your clothes back."

Then she put off the jacked, flinging it towards the backpack.

"I'm going to keep the hat though," she continued as she walked forward slowly, measuring every step for maximum effect. And as she reached her gasping fiancé, she stepped over him and unceremonically sat down on his lap, hands resting firmly upon his shoulders. "If that's ok with you?"

Ranma looked at his strangely acting fiancée in disbelief, absentmindedly nodding his approval while what passed for his conscient thinking was completely occupied with getting to grips with the situation. The girl currently kneeling over him, her posture, her expression, the way she acted, this wasn't the girl that used to bash him into the wall, screaming bloody murder. And it wasn't the girl that had smiled at him, asking to be friends or welcoming him home with a hug. No, this was a girl he only met once, last night, when she had no quirms with grabbing him by the balls to get what she wanted. 

'Oh goody,' he thought as he noticed his body react the same way it had back then. Somehow he knew that this time she wouldn't simply fall asleep again before anything else could happen. Probably because of that hungry glint he saw in her eyes. As if she considered him her breakfast and lunch all in one. And honestly, if she'd asked him to pass the soy-sauce right now, he knew that he would, wishing 'Bon appetite' by the way.

..so powerful, that was what she was feeling like. And this feeling alone almost made her squirm with pleasure. Ranma was completely in her hands now. Quite literally so, if last night had really been more than just a dream. She knew that if she wanted to, she could probably make him say, do or promise about anything she desired. She saw it in the way he looked at her, intense longing mixed with fear that she might shy away if he startled her in any way. Little did he know that their combined families and suitors could have barged in that moment and she still wouldn't have let herself be distracted from him. Because he was hers now, and she would make sure that he knew that too. Only where to start? Decisions, decisions..

She finally opted for the classic, a passionate kiss square on his lips. It contained enough fire to burn down a small village and the spark caught instantly. Ranma tried to lean into her, to get up far enough so he could get his weight off his arms, but she wouldn't let him. Using brute strength, she wrestled him down onto his back, staying glued to his lips all the while. This was obviously fine with him because now his limbs were free too and he instantly snaked them around her, one hand digging into her hair, the other one roaming her back. Akane wasn't content with simply kissing him either. Left arm under his neck supporting most of her weight she pushed her right hand under his shirt to stroke his chest. And when they finally came up for air, panting with exhaustion from this uncustomary exercise, they shared a wide-eyed look as if they saw one another for the first time. They obviously liked what they saw, and what they did, and what it felt like, because manic grins broke out on both of their faces simultaneously. So without waisting their precious breath for useless acts like talking, they got right back to business.

It was around noon when they finally came to a rest, lying spent amidst the folds of both of their sleeping-bags. The tent around them was strewn with their hastily discarded clothes, not that they actually minded, and the only thing any of them still wore was the fur-laced cap crowning Akane's head. The same head that currently rested on Ranma's shoulder. And as far as he was concerned, he had never in his live seen a picture more perfect.

"Why did we wait so long?" he whispered as he stroked an unruly strand of hair out of her face.

"Idiot," she replied without any trace of malice, "you don't actually believe I would do this with a guy I just met, do you?"

To accentuate her point, she let her hand wander to a place clearly below his waistline. Her head rose up a little for a better look at his face.

"Anyway, I think it was worth the wait," she concluded with her brightest 'knock-the-baka-out-of-his-socks' smile. He had never been able to argue with her when she acted like that, but even if he could, he wouldn't have been interested right now.

"You're right," he said before stealing a quick kiss from her. "Even if a lot of people ain't gonna like this."

"That's next week's problem," she reminded him with a sly grin. "And right now, my imagination works only as far as this week."

This raised his eyebrow in suspicion.

"Oh, and what's that you're imagening?"

As if he didn't already have a very detailed idea.

"Well, our fathers called this a training-trip. So among other things, I figure that's what we're going to do. With a special focus on endurance training. " She placed a light kiss on his cheek, "Very hard," and on the edge of his jaw, "very strenuous," and on his chin, "endurance training…" before kissing him passionately on the lips.

Suspicion confirmed. 

But what the heck, Ranma was used to work out beyond exhaustion.

And for once he knew that he would simply love every minute of it.

It turned out to be one of the harshest winters in Japanese history, with rocks bursting from the humidity turning to ice in their cracks while the snow piled up higher and higher, covering every hill, rock, tree or bush. The great structures build by man, the citys with their houses and fences and roads were likewise hidden beneath a thick layer of white. And even in those appartments sporting state-of-the-art isolation, with the central-heating running full-throttle, people still shivered and put on aditional clothing or blankets or whatever they could think of to keep them warm. But no matter how ghastly the outward conditions in the one region where this winter struck the hardest, in a little tent in an out-of-the-way valey in the middle of Hokkaido, one Akane Tendo, well, a Tendo for now though her name might change soon enough, never had to freeze in her sleep again. Those times she actually managed to get some sleep anyway.

**************************************

Author Nr.2's notes: (Please feel free to ignore.)

Oi, I know what you're going to say. I wrote some fanfic again so it just HAD to be some Ranma and Akane mush. So what? I love those two. And, hey, call it lack of imagination but throughout the series they're the one pairing that simply HAS to happen. Don't believe me? Read the manga and you will. If you only saw the TV-series though, I understand if you have some doubts. I mean, sometimes Akane really acts there like a bi.. (Ouch! Where'd that mallet come from..?) Actually, I've got a theory about that. I believe the whole TV-series is one big Alternate-Universe fanfic. And not exactly one of the Top 100. Anyway, except for the OAV's and maybe the movies, I can only recomend the books. They sure make a lot more sense too. In stark contrast to the stuff I'm writing here. Which is good in a way because I don't get paid for this and this would be a waste of talent if I actually had any. (And no, I'm not fishing for compliments.) Hmm.., this seems like a good time to go to bed. I think I start loosing coherence again.. And who knows, maybe I dream up a sequel..heh,heh..

R. Martin


	3. Second Wife Rated PG or PG13

Hi there! This is one of my 'Starter Kits'. A fanfiction idea that seemed really good when I started, but ground to a halt when my creativity ran dry, or as I became involved in other projects and completely forgot where I intended to go with this. So I'm posting these 'Starter Kits' up so that other authors can continue my ideas, flesh them out, or even take them in a wild new direction. All I ask is that you consult me before making changes to the part that I've put down here. Perhaps later I'll try to pick up from where you leave off, or we might just alternate writing chapters. I'm intentionally leaving this open-ended.   
So, show me what you got, tough guy!   
-Ron Hino   
  
P.S. Unlike the other two Starters I've posted, this one is a whole chapter, so the continuing Author's work should begin as Chapter 2   
  
  
Second Wife   
Chapter Two   
  
A work of fanfiction by Ron Hino and _________   
  
[...] Chinese (or any non-Japanese language)   
thoughts   
(A.N. ...) Author's supposedly witty or informative commentary.   
  
================================================================================   
  
  
Shampoo bursting (as in 'bursting through a wall' bursting) into the Tendo household wasn't that rare an occurrence, however it had been more than a year since she'd done so with weapons ready. One generally expected her to come bearing free ramen for Ranma (occasionally with an extra special ingredient or two). The fact that she knew very well that Ranma was away on a training trip with his father (rumor had it Nadoka was thinking of visiting this week) was also a bad sign.   
"Where Akane?" She demanded of Kasumi.   
"Um, I think she's in the dojo, but what are you going to do with the sword?"   
Shampoo dashed past her without answering. Kasumi bit her lip with worry and ran to find her father. She never involved herself in the fighting around her, but she did keep tabs on who was better than who. Her little sister stood a good chance of being hurt by the heavily armed amazon. Odd though, Shampoo didn't seem like she was mad about something; more like 'eager'.   
  
Akane had just broke another set of bricks when Shampoo dashed into the dojo.   
"You I kill!"   
"Huh?"   
Akane jumped back just in time to miss being cut in half. Of course she fell completely for the bonbori thrust into her gut that followed. Shampoo made good use of her superior strength to send her rival flying into the far wall.   
"You is obstacle for Ranma. This time he no help you. Ranma forgive Shampoo for kill Akane someday. Then be happy with Amazon wife, not weak Japanese girl." She sneered.   
Akane stood up with difficulty. "So, after all this time the little savage returns to her roots, eh?"   
Shampoo shrugged easily. "Realize long time in Japan make Shampoo soft. Not want to kill anymore. Remember true Amazon no balk at little blood. Now I kill!"   
Just as Shampoo darted forward, Soun burst through the doorway with his elder daughters at his heels. "Stay away from my daughter you little tramp!" He cried.   
"Dad, stay back! This is my fight!"   
"Is true. One on one fight only honorable way for warrior. But this time Akane no walk away." The Chinese girl said mockingly, a cruel smile marring her beautiful face.   
Soun was NOT happy to hear that. "Dammit! Akane stand aside and let your father-"   
"NO! My fight! If I can't face her challenge by myself then I've got no right to call myself a martial artist!"   
With extreme reluctance, Soun stepped back. His face grew cold and stern, as he reached up to the pair of yari that hung on the wall. He tossed one to Akane, who accepted it gratefully. With the polearm, she would be able to keep a bit of distance between the two.   
(A.N. a yari is a polearm weapon consisting of a long staff with a slightly curved blade about a foot long on one end. It is similar to a spear, except it is almost never thrown and the blade is longer than typical of spears. Soun uses one a few times in the anime and manga often while wearing a full suit of Samurai armor. Not to be confused with a naginata, which is more of a pike frequently used by women of the samurai cast.)   
As all eyes turned to the battle, no one noticed Soun take down the other yari and stand poised to move with the weapon in hand. If that damned Chinese bitch hurt his little girl...   
To Akane's credit, she managed to defend against Shampoo's assault for nearly a full minute before she was disarmed by Shampoo's greater weapons experience. She was hurt badly, the bonbori having snapped her right leg at the knee. Her body shook with pain as she struggled to maintain her position on her hands and one good knee. This was combat at a whole other level then she was used to. Always before she'd been sure her opponents were trying to defeat her. Now, it was obvious that Shampoo wanted to crush her, break her,   
And kill her.   
Shampoo placed the tip of the sword under Akane's chin. "Akane give up Ranma? Is last chance."   
"F-f-fuck you!" She snarled, shuddering with pain.   
Shampoo seemed to sigh sadly. "Goodbye Akane," she said as she drew back her sword for the final cut.   
She suddenly found herself flying across the dojo, and only when she rolled to a stop did she feel the exploding pain in her side. Who had struck her?   
Soun Tendo stood in a combat stance between her and Akane, his yari at the ready, and his grim expression carved in stone.   
"Dad?"   
"I'm sorry Akane, but you've failed. Now you have to swallow your pride and let your father do his duty in protecting his family." He respected his daughter's pride in her abilities, but he wouldn't let her die for it. There were limits to honor.   
Shampoo stood with a snarl. "Stupid old man! Get out of way! This private fight."   
"If you see my daughter as an obstacle to your marriage to Ranma, then I am an obstacle to your obstacle. You'll have to get through me if you want to so much as put a scratch in my little girl!" He thudded the floor with the unbladed end of the yari, producing a challenging boom.   
"She's already more than scratched." Whispered Nabiki. Kasumi shushed her and the two discretely pulled Akane off to the side.   
"Old fool want die, that fine with Shampoo!" She cried as she charged. She knew Soun spent his days sitting around playing shogi with Ranma's father. He was weak and soft now, if he had ever been something once.   
It is often said how the most dangerous creature in nature is a mother protecting her young. Very little is mentioned however about what happens if the mother dies, and the father alone is left to guard the young. Would a single father in nature (a bear for instance) be able to tap the raw ferocity that the mother would have? One theory states that since males are naturally more aggressive, that in the absence of the mother, the father defending his young may be even more dangerous then the mother ever could be. And that's just animals.   
Now let's return to the humans to whom such metaphors are usually applied. Humans have more complex emotions than beasts. The pain of losing a wife could drive a father to such desperation, that he would raise all the demons of hell to protect the young reminders of that beloved women that still remained to him.   
Or he might become a demon himself.   
Soun did not move from his position; did not open a path for Shampoo to reach Akane. The Amazon's strikes were smashed aside with such power that the wooden shaft of the yari actually snapped the blade of her sword. The bladed end quickly destroyed the bonbori in her other hand, both strikes moving at speeds that would have made her great-grandmother raise her eyebrows. As Shampoo stood there stunned, the shaft slammed into her solar plexus with a force that would have killed a less conditioned Amazon. For his final strike, Soun unconsciously chose the same knee that Shampoo had broken on his little girl. As Shampoo fell to the ground, unable to breath or scream, Soun finished by placing the blade under the quivering Shampoo's chin, pressing down just enough to draw blood. He glared down at her hatefully.   
At this point, Shampoo passed out from physical shock (fear couldn't have been a factor! She was an Amazon warrior, dammit! Amazon warriors did not fear _men_!)   
Soun needed several deep breaths before he could bring himself to pull the yari away from her throat. He had desperately wanted to lean in, and push it home. As the fury of paternal rage left him, he felt rather tired, as though he had burned up all his blood sugars in a few seconds.   
He looked around to find all three of his daughter's staring at him with open mouths.   
"Wow." Nabiki managed.   
  
Dr. Tofu had finished bandaging Akane's cuts and set and splinted her knee. He was currently cataloguing Shampoo's injuries (Soun had been quite insistent as to who the Doctor should treat first).   
"Two cracked ribs, a shattered knee cap, severe bruising of the abdomen... whoever did this was incredibly strong. He must have been huge!"   
"That would be our Daddy." Nabiki said with amusement. She had sent Kasumi out to acquire crutches for Akane to use, while Tofu looked her over. She should be back any time, but the Doctor was treating Shampoo right now, so that was okay. ;)   
Tofu looked at the middle-aged man with raised eyebrows.   
Soun shrugged. "She tried to kill my little girl."   
"I see." Was all Tofu said in answer to that. He put Shampoo's leg in a splint. Sorting out the many bone fragments of her knee would require surgery. There was little he could do about the ribs right now, but he had ice brought to put on the bruising. He had just laid the ice pack on her abdomen when Kasumi returned.   
"Hello Doctor. How are they doing?"   
"W-well Kasumi! What a coincidence that we should meet here of all places!" He stuttered giddily, as he attempted to appear casual by leaning on his one arm...   
...Which was holding Shampoo's icepack above her deep bruises.   
Nabiki grinned as Shampoo's eyes snapped open, the pupils shrinking rapidly in pain as she opened her mouth in a silent scream. After a few satisfying moments, Nabiki helped the good doctor lean somewhere else. Kasumi helped Akane limp out to the waiting taxi to take her to the hospital.   
Shampoo took several gasping breaths, and began to look around. Slowly she tied her surroundings and injuries with the reluctant memories that gradually began to return.   
Then her eyes widened again in shock and fear. "Sham-Shampoo lose?"   
"That's right." Nabiki grinned.   
"It appears I'm not so old as you thought." Soun growled. He wanted that girl out of his house as soon as someone would drag her. Hell, she could limp all the way to the hospital for all he cared.   
Shampoo panicked, sitting up quickly (a move that brought her no little amount of pain). She quickly dug her personal copy of the Tribal Laws of the Joketsuzoku out from the same place Akane keeps her hammers, Genma keeps his signs, and Mousse keeps everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink.   
...if an outsider male who is not married defeats...   
It didn't say 'not previously married' or 'who has never married'. Oh gods! There had to be a loophole! She would ask her great-grandmother, the Matriarch of the tribe.   
But in the meantime, she would have to consider the law relevant to her current situation.   
So it was that words spoken more than a year ago within these walls that had caused such confusion before, were spoken again, resulting in the blood leaving everyone's face.   
Crawling to Soun, she reluctantly embraced him. "Woda... Airen."   
Acting normal for the first time all evening, Soun feinted.   
  
***   
  
All had gathered at the hospital. Akane and Shampoo were put in the same room. Hostility between them was no longer an issue. There was a much, much bigger problem to worry about.   
"Young lady you are LESS THEN HALF MY AGE!" Soun screamed.   
"Make no difference to law! Shampoo not happy about marry old fart either!" She yelled back.   
"This is too weird." Akane muttered, laid up in the other bed.   
"No kidding!" Nabiki said. "Do you realize she'd be our stepmother?"   
"Oh father, father, father." Kasumi said in a disappointed voice.   
"Not to mention," Nabiki continued, "That since Shampoo's a minor, they'd be having illegitimate sex."   
"EWW!"   
"Nabiki! Really!"   
Soun and Shampoo stopped shouting at each other and roared at Nabiki together. "YOU SHUT UP!"   
"I'm just trying to figure out if we'd have to hire lawyers to defend a statutory rape charge, that's all." Nabiki said innocently.   
"You really think Shampoo would let him?" Akane asked.   
Shampoo turned bright red (well, more so) looking at the floor. "S-Soun is husband. If... if husband ask... then Shampoo have to... to..." she looked ready to burst into tears.   
"Now listen here!" Soun snapped. "I've remained loyal to my wife since the day I married her, and celibate for more than ten years since she passed on. I can certainly keep my pants done up until we sort out this mess!"   
"Shampoo grateful." She said with heartfelt relief, bowing as best she could from her hospital bed.   
"Shampoo," Akane asked. "What about Ranma?"   
Shampoo took a deep breath. "After man win Amazon girl hand in combat, he usually marry right away, so woman no get two husband many time. If that happen, then most recent husband is real husband, unless old husband beat new husband in challenge for Amazon girl hand." She said.   
"So Ranma has to beat Daddy?"   
Shampoo nodded. "In formal challenge for Shampoo hand. Everyday fight no good enough."   
"Good luck talking Ranma into that." Nabiki muttered.   
"But he... and... but..." Soun stuttered.   
"If he beats you, then he's stuck with Shampoo again. He's already got too many fiancées; he might just see this as a way to be rid of one. The fact that it satisfies Shampoo's Amazon honor is another plus. No one gets dishonored this way."   
"Well, except for father." Kasumi mused. "My goodness, what will the neighbors think?"   
Soun just sobbed.   
"Well, the marital chaos aside," Dr. Tofu said, coming in. (Kasumi wondered why Nabiki led her around a curtain for a moment) "I've got good news on each of you. Akane's cast is set and she can go home in an hour, and I've scheduled Shampoo's surgery at the hospital for tonight, so she can probably go home tomorrow morning. In both your cases, you'll have to use the crutches and stay off that foot for a couple months. The casts should come off in four months for Akane and six for Shampoo."   
"Why Shampoo longer?" The upset Amazon cried jealously.   
"Because Mr. Tendo hits harder than you do." Dr. Tofu said dryly. That mollified her a bit.   
"So, will Shampoo be moving in?" Nabiki quipped, coming out from behind the curtain with Kasumi, removing Dr. Tofu from any intelligent conversations ("Why Kasumi! What a coincidence..." yada yada yada.)   
"NO!" Soun barked, at the same time Shampoo quietly said "yes". She was still heard.   
"Are you insane?" Soun asked.   
"You didn't do that when Ranma beat you." Akane pointed out, "er, for long."   
"Ranma not own own house." Shampoo muttered. "Not app... approp... not nice to impose on other family."   
"But destroying half their house was perfectly acceptable, eh?" Nabiki frowned.   
"That for chasing girl-type Ranma for revenge. No care if rude to friends of enemy. Friends of husband different matter."   
Nabiki was about to point out the gaping holes in that logic, but Shampoo seemed quite comfortable leaving gaping holes just about anywhere she went.   
(A.N. Yes, I know that was a horrible joke. Everybody groan; get it out of your system. Good! Feel better?)   
"I wonder how Ranma will feel about this when he gets back?" Kasumi pondered, remembering he and Genma would be back sometime tonight.   
  
***   
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ranma howled. "Can I be the best man? (Hee hee hee)."   
"It's not that funny Ranma!" Akane shouted, sitting on her desk chair in her room, where she'd decided to tell Ranma the whole story.   
"How can you say that? This is hilarious!" Ranma snickered, sitting on her bed.   
"Ranma! She's going to be living in our house!"   
"But not after me?"   
"Well... no. She had no claim on you now."   
"Sounds good."   
"RANMA! This is not an acceptable situation!"   
"Don't you ever wonder if you're father's getting lonely after all these years?" Ranma said seriously. "I know my mother has, but in her case she can't do a thing about it because she's technically married to that stupid furball downstairs."   
Akane looked down at her lap. "I have, actually. I worry a bit that he doesn't want to remarry because of Mother's memory. Then I worry that he does and Mother doesn't matter anymore. I've kind of got mixed feelings about him remarrying, but I want him to be happy... But dammit! Shampoo is MY age! She isn't what I had in mind for a stepmother!" Akane screamed, switching from meek to upset in an eyeblink. (Ranma would tell you this was normal behavior for her, save that she hadn't hit him and claimed the whole mess was his fault).   
"Ranma, this is all your fault!" (Oh well... at least he hadn't hit him yet.) "Why won't you fight my Dad and get him out of this?"   
Ranma sighed, realizing that making jokes was not going to get him out of this conversation (as though it had ever once helped before!) "What do you want me to do, Akane? Do you want me to marry Shampoo?"   
"Of course not!"   
"Well if I fight specifically for Shampoo's hand, and no other reason, that's the same as going down on one knee and proposing. That would be the first time I was ever engaged of my own free will, which basically says that I *want* to marry that person. And if I was going to do that to any of my fiancées, it wouldn't be her."   
Akane suddenly felt a heated blush cover her face. "Ranma... you, you mean you would do that for me if the situation were different?"   
"No way! Who'd fight for an uncute tomboy like you? Nyah!"   
*BASH*   
Ranma just managed to pull his tongue back in his mouth and avoid biting it off before he was hit by her chair.   
(Violent mood swing: check. All Ranma's fault: check. Thrashed into unconsciousness by blunt object: check.   
(One very normal Akane/Ranma conversation. ^_^)   
  
***   
  
Shampoo arrived on the Tendo's doorstep the next day, making heavy use of her crutches. She probably should have been in a wheelchair, but she was far too stubborn to let other people push her around like and invalid just because she was... um... an invalid.   
Her great-grandmother was at her side, a bundle of Shampoo's clothes tied to the top of her staff.   
Soun looked very tired, as he addressed the old woman. "I assume by the clothes you're carrying that you haven't found a loophole in the law yet."   
Cologne nodded as she handed the bundle to Kasumi. "I'm afraid not. Amazon law is a study in absolutes. It is designed to be simple in order to prevent its misuse. No criminal in our tribe ever escapes justice because she or he was not arrested properly, or because she or he has a clever advocate. There are downsides to such a system of course, and you have run straight into one of them. May I assume, Soun Tendo, that you refuse to journey to China to live among the tribe?"   
Soun shook his head. "Of course. This house and dojo have been in the family for generations, and I would never leave it until Ranma and Akane marry and I see that the Tendo School is in good hands. I had not expected to leave it in any case until I was buried with my wife."   
The old crone smirked. "Shampoo might have some objections to being buried alive with you, considering that she'll be less than 50 at the time."   
"I meant my wife already dead! The mother of my three daughters!" Soun snapped.   
"I know Soun. I was only trying to brighten a bad situation with a little humour. Given that you have already established a household here, I will not force you to relocate to China. You can be the Japanese branch of the Joketsuzoku."   
"Oh joy." Nabiki muttered. "No one's allowed to marry me unless they smack me around a bit? I think I'll be the non-traditional one in the family."   
"Oh shut up Nabiki, none of us are becoming Amazons!" Akane snapped.   
Nabiki stuck out her tongue. "I was only trying to brighten a bad situation with a little humour."   
"Anyway," Cologne continued, "I will be returning to China with Mousse. I will call a meeting of the elders and see if some sort of special dispensation cannot be granted."   
"I am grateful." Soun said, bowing.   
"Don't be grateful yet. I probably will not succeed. For such to be granted, all 13 of the council members must be unanimously agreed. It may take many weeks of debate before I can even attempt to get them to vote. There are some council members who are, shall we say, less than enamoured with their Matriarch, and others who are not too fond of Shampoo either. The odds of success in this venture are quite low. You should assume that I will not succeed and act accordingly."   
"I... understand." Soun said slowly.   
"This is indeed an unfortunate situation. Try to make the best of it." Cologne said as she hopped off.   
The Tendos and Saotomes present fell into an awkward silence as they stared at the silent girl on crutches before them on the doorstep.   
Shampoo for her part just stood staring at the ground, unwilling to look any of them in the eye.   
Kasumi was the one who finally broke the silence. "Well then, welcome to our home... um... mother."   
Shampoo's head finally snapped up. "Please no call that. Law make Shampoo husband to Soun. Law no can force be mother to children, especially children older than Shampoo."   
All three Tendo daughters gave a simultaneous sigh of relief. Soun was far from relaxing yet. Ranma felt like he should say something to her, but couldn't think of anything helpful. For once he decided to watch his mouth.   
"Well then, come on in Shampoo. It'll be nice to have you stay for a while. You're just in time for breakfast. Are you hungry?" Kasumi asked. Shampoo nodded gratefully and hobbled inside.   
Breakfast was a little quieter than usual, but eventually Soun spoke up. "Shampoo, I'm going to arrange to have you enrolled into the high school."   
She seemed a little upset at that. "Why?"   
Soun looked a little awkward. "Well, no wife of mine is going to be a fool with no education. Please study hard and do your best." He wasn't sure he liked hearing those words from his own lips. It sounded as though he had already accepted the fact that the girl was his wife.   
From the look on Shampoo's face, she was wondering the same thing. "Shampoo try." She muttered.   
Nabiki leaned closer to Shampoo. "I don't think you're giving Daddy enough credit. If you go to school, you spend most of the day out of this house, and when you come home, you've got homework to keep you busy for a few more hours each day. If you didn't go to school, you'd have to stay home all day with him, with nothing to do but try to act like a wife. We thought perhaps we could restrict the really awkward moments to the evenings." When Nabiki would be around to enjoy them. ^_^   
Shampoo brightened up. "Aiya! Is good plan!"   
Nabiki grinned and sat back. "And it only cost him 1500 yen too."   
"Nabiki!" Akane scowled. "Don't you think you should be making some exceptions when doing business within the family, especially at a time like this?"   
"I did. Advice of this caliber is normally 3000 yen."   
Akane let her head hit the table with a sigh.   
"So Shampoo," Nabiki said, as though nothing had happened (nothing _unusual_ had), "what happened to the restaurant?"   
"Nekohanten closed for now. Great-grandmother say property is left in Shampoo name, so when get better Shampoo can run restaurant again, if find waitresses and kitchen help." She winced. "And if husband give permission."   
The gears turning in Nabiki's head were almost audible.   
Soun coughed. "I still think you should go to school, but if you find people to run it during the day, that would be fine, so long as you get your schoolwork done. And of course, should you still be my wife by the time you graduate, you could work there as often as you wish."   
"Shampoo thank husband for understand, but Shampoo honor bound try to be good wife. No can live at Nekohanten anymore."   
The gears in Nabiki's head finally clicked to a stop. "Hmm. I bet you could use some help getting the Nekohanten off the ground again. I'd be willing to design an advertising campaign for the grand reopening. I can also offer my services as a financial manager for a modest fee."   
"Shampoo not sure about modest part." The Chinese girl scowled. "Shampoo no need manager who skim off top."   
"I think I'm insulted."   
"Nabiki think right."   
"Now is that any way to speak to your step-daughter?"   
"Shampoo NOT mother!" The Amazon snapped.   
"Stop it both of you!" Soun said tiredly. Both girls sat back and were quiet. One thing Soun could be grateful for: if Shampoo was technically his wife, she seemed to be settling into a more daughter-like role. Maybe they could tell the neighbors that he had simply adopted Shampoo.   
"We should get going to school." Akane said.   
"Shampoo already registered for today?"   
"No, but we can do that pretty quickly, especially if we get there a bit early." Nabiki said.   
All were at the door, waiting a bit for Shampoo and Akane, who were a bit slower on their crutches.   
"Have a nice day." Kasumi said cheerfully.   
Shampoo hesitated. "Shampoo follow in minute. Have something want say to Soun in private."   
Ranma, Akane and Nabiki basically blinked and went out, deciding to wait outside in the street. Well, Ranma and Akane decided to wait in the street, Nabiki decided to wait with her ear against the door, much to the disgust of Ranma and Akane, who eventually decided to go ahead anyway as Akane would be moving slower than usual. Kasumi, not wanting to make what would probably be an awkward conversation more so, politely went into the kitchen to start the breakfast dishes. Genma hadn't moved from the back porch, where he was currently lounging as a panda, letting his breakfast digest pleasantly as lazy bears are wont to do.   
Back in the foyer, Shampoo hobbled close to Soun and looked up at him.   
"Shampoo no ask for marry man more than twice her age, man with daughters older than Shampoo..."   
"I'm sorry."   
"Let Shampoo finish. Could have been much worse. Shampoo maybe forced to marry man with no honor, or... ugly man." She said, turning quite red. She lifted herself higher on her crutches and gave Soun a chaste peck on the cheek, causing his face to become as red as hers. "Shampoo thank Soun not take advantage of situation. Forced to marry very good man not so bad as Shampoo fear. Shampoo try be good wife for Soun... if no can escape law."   
With that said, she hobbled out the door.   
Soun stood there for a long while thinking (not to mention letting his flush fade before Kasumi saw it and asked questions). Shampoo must have felt bad about what she'd said when they'd first found themselves in this situation. Some of her comments about his age had been less than subtle. It really hadn't been fair to Soun, but given their situation, he could forgive her easily. He found himself somewhat thankful that, if he HAD to be in this situation, his pseudo-wife was not exactly ugly either.   
Hmm. Perhaps he should bath in _cold_ water this morning.   
  
Outside, Nabiki tried to explain her presence by the door.   
"I'll be the one helping you register, so I thought I'd wait for you."   
"Next time, Nabiki wait farther from door." Shampoo snapped.   
"Huh?"   
Shampoo pointed one hand to the sun beyond them. "Door made of paper. Sun cast shadow. Very easy for see sneaky girl with ear to door."   
Nabiki cursed. She tried to talk her way out of it. "Well, sorry, but I guess I wanted to make sure of your intentions regarding my father."   
"Shampoo intend obey law and be good wife. No more than that. If work at Nekohanten most of time, help provide income for husband house. That good way for wife to spend most of day when not in school." Shampoo said, starting her hobble to school.   
"Speaking of the Nekohanten-"   
"Nabiki want some of Nekohanten money, work as waitress. Shampoo find nice cheongsam fit Nabiki good. Get good tips."   
Nabiki imagined herself in one of those very tight and form-fitting Chinese dresses. While rather proud of her figure, she didn't feel ready to be paid money (particularly pocket change) based on how clearly her bust was outlined in a tight dress.   
"I'm sure I can be of more use to you working the books."   
"Shampoo very good work with books. Who you think do them before?"   
Nabiki blinked. "Well, I assumed your great-grandmother did them."   
"Why?"   
"Well, you're sort of... um..."   
Shampoo snorted. "Japanese difficult language. Shampoo speak badly. That no mean Shampoo stupid. Shampoo like to hear how smart Nabiki sound in Mandarin."   
Nabiki blinked. The bitch was right. Damn it! How could she underestimate the Chinese girl based on such a superficial impression? She must be losing her edge. All right! From now on, she'd take care to consider Shampoo a clever opponent.   
If she played her cards right, she could still make use of the Nekohanten, perhaps eventually gaining herself ownership. Not that she would bother actually running such a meager business as a restaurant herself (even a profitable one like this) but she could expand it and maybe even open a chain, sitting back and reaping in the fruits of other people's hard labor. THAT was more her style than actually doing menial work herself.   
Of course, the first step was to get inside.   
"I suppose I could stand to work a little part-time," she muttered, "for wage plus tips."   
"For tips. That decent enough pay at Nekohanten. Have many generous regulars."   
Damn. Nabiki had known that. She just wanted a bit more than 'decent' money, especially if she was going to subject herself to being drooled over in a tight Chinese dress. Oh well, there were still other angles to work.   
"Oh, fine. I can probably help you find suitable workers though." For a nice fat finder's fee, naturally.   
Shampoo thought for a minute. Nabiki had a good network through the high school, that could be much faster than standard 'help wanted' signs.   
"Now that no have three full-time, live-in employees, Shampoo need more people than before. Need at least two more full-time cook, two full-time waitress, three part-time kitchen help, two or three part-time waitress. Good if cook have experience cooking ramen. Good if all waitress look good in cheongsam, but no say that to face. Need at least full-time cooks and full-time waitresses before open."   
"I think I can swing that." Nabiki said easily. "Now if I find them for you, it's only fair that-"   
"Shampoo add small bonus for each employee to Nabiki pay."   
Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "I was thinking more along the lines of a finder's fee."   
Shampoo smirked. "Finders fee have price set by Nabiki. Bonus have price set by Nabiki employer. Shampoo promise bonus be fair."   
Dammit! Dammit to hell! She didn't want a _fair_ bonus. That's why she wanted to set her own fees. She tried hard to keep her frustration from her face. Shampoo's smile said she had failed.   
Nabiki had one more card to play, but now was not the time. Shampoo was on her guard. If she wanted to take advantage of the reopening advertising campaign, she'd have to wait until Shampoo dropped her guard.   
"Nabiki want help with advertising, Shampoo give good bonus for that too."   
Nabiki's head nearly exploded.   
"If Nabiki add up enough bonuses, maybe no have to pay much for uniforms. Cheongsam expensive."   
*PAY* FOR HER UNIFORMS! Never had Nabiki wanted so much to cry. It must have showed.   
Shampoo stopped and put a hand on her shoulder. "Shampoo decide bonus based on how well Nabiki help. Better advertising mean more customer, mean more tip for Nabiki. In Nabiki own interest to do good work for Nekohanten."   
Nabiki scowled at Shampoo. "If I do quite well, I might even get a bonus large to pay for all my uniforms, with a little left over?"   
Shampoo thought about that. "Do very well, probably earn two cheongsam. Any bonus money left over be very little, but surprise Shampoo, maybe be more. That all Shampoo promise."   
Well, a tiny concession, and an equally tiny validation of Nabiki's negotiating skills. Her ego was bruised enough to accept even the slightest stroke right now.   
"Well, I'll put some ideas together. Hey wait a minute! I don't remember you wearing a cheongsam very often, at least not while working."   
Shampoo smiled. "Shampoo own restaurant now. Great-grandmother think too much eyeful to give Japanese boy who not Ranma. She old-fashioned. Shampoo think get few more customer if waitress dress in sexy dress, and cheongsam not too much look like slut. Shampoo never make girl waitress wear bunny suit. That too much. Make woman customer feel like they in strip joint."   
"Well at least you know that sex sells." Nabiki said. It seemed Shampoo did know business. Apparently now that she wasn't so monomaniacally fixated on Ranma, her intellect had more time to show itself. Admittedly, outsmarting Ranma on occasion in the past had not been the best proof that the Amazon had brains. He was an easy.   
"Shampoo no turn good restaurant into whorehouse!" The Chinese girl thundered.   
"Er, I didn't say you would. It's just an expression."   
"Explain expression right now, or Nabiki find out how fast Amazon can swing crutch!"   
"Okay okay! Ah, well, your great-grandmother ran the restaurant by making the food really good, and let the word spread that the Nekohanten was a good place to go for ramen. Do you understand? People came in the door because of the ramen and nothing else."   
Shampoo nodded.   
"Now what you're going to do is have the waitresses look a bit sexier than they did before, so a guy who's never heard of how good the ramen is at the Nekohanten could be passing by the door and see a beautiful waitress in a tight dress. He might go inside just for a chance to talk to the girl, and of course he'll order food. Then he finds out how good it is and will come by next time just because he's hungry. However, in that case, you sold a bowl of ramen and got a new repeat customer because he was thinking about sex. That doesn't, however, mean that the customer would ever get sex from that waitress.   
"So you see, the expression 'sex sells' refers to why the customer bought the product, not to what you're selling. It's like the waitresses are now part of the advertising."   
"Shampoo understand. Sorry for threaten Nabiki. Japanese language have many... figurative expressions."   
"It's okay. Imagine if it had been Mousse I was talking to. He'd just yell 'How dare you accuse my Shampoo of being a prostitute!' and charge past me and beat the hell out of some innocent bystander standing behind, because you _know_ he wouldn't have his glasses on."   
Shampoo laughed, as they finally made it through the gates of Furinkan High.   
  
***   
  
About a week later, Shampoo was sitting at the living room table doing her homework, or trying.   
"How Chinese girl supposed to know ancient Japanese history? Serve no purpose!"   
Nabiki, in an effort to lower Shampoo's guard (NOT become friends, really), was doing hers down here as well so she could help the struggling Amazon.   
"Hmm, well... Daddy is a bit of a traditionalist. It might be useful stuff to know if this relationship turns out to be permanent."   
Shampoo snorted at that. "Fine. What good learn Ancient Japanese writing?"   
"Can't help you there. Some mysteries are beyond the understanding of mere mortals."   
Nabiki was interested to note that the aforementioned subjects were the only ones in which the Amazon girl was having any trouble. She kept up easily with Akane in all subjects (except the two stupid ones) as though she'd been there all year long. Whatever scholastic education children of the Amazon village received, it was apparently nothing to scoff at.   
History was hard for her mostly because she had missed a lifetime of TV movies, school plays, and manga bits based off of actual historical events that Japanese children normally were bombarded with. The history Akane was learning was a more detailed version of stories she had already heard. For Shampoo it was all new.   
The purpose behind learning ancient Japanese, or "Classics", was... Oops, sorry. Nabiki was right, there is none. It makes about as much sense as learning Latin.   
Shampoo continued to pour over the book. Written Japanese was actually a little easier for her than speaking, so she only had to ask for the meaning of the occasional word. After a few more minutes of memorization, she slammed the book shut with relief.   
"So, how progress on earning bonuses?"   
Nabiki twitched at the reminder of how little she'd probably get for her efforts.   
"Well, I've found you cooks, waitresses and two part-time kitchen help. I'm still looking for another kitchen hand and some more part-time waitresses. For the reopening, I plan to use the change in wardrobe to stir the gossip chain in Furinkan, as soon as you name the date. We'll have to do a more public publication too, of course. I've been checking prices for newspaper ads and a few poster spots. I've also got a guy who'll drive around in a van with loudspeakers, but to be honest I think that sort of thing is more annoying than anything else."   
"Shampoo agree."   
"Anyway, for the ads, I want a nice photo of you all dolled up nice and hot-looking. We're going to use 'Under New Management' as our catch line, with a pretty girl on the page to boot."   
"Shampoo only 'pretty'?"   
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Fine. An exotically beautiful, yet cultured sex-goddess that men can't look at for longer than 4 seconds without embarrassing themselves when they stand up."   
Shampoo smirked. "That better."   
"Not to mention, men like Daddy."   
Shampoo looked a little uncomfortable. "'Pretty' ok." She mumbled.   
"I thought so." Nabiki smirked. She loved seeing Shampoo squirm.   
"Well, time for fit Nabiki for Cheongsam."   
"W-What, now?"   
Shampoo loved seeing Nabiki squirm.   
  
-----------------------------------------------   
End of chapter 1   
  
Notes (Ron Hino):   
  
I think I finally found a good idea no one's thought of yet. Now we see if I can avoid messing it up. Actually, I just had a surge of inspiration and wanted to get in down on paper (figuratively speaking) I have no plans to continue this, unless I get a lot of positive responses and my ego forces me to come up with a plot line longer than these 12 pages.   
  
If anyone is wondering why Shampoo seems rather submissive about the whole sex thing: "If... if husband ask... then Shampoo have to... to..." remember that even though she's from a female dominant society, for the last year and a half she's known she'd have to marry a Japanese man. Because our Ranma is such a valued commodity ^_^ she realized that to win him she might not get the dominant role in the relationship. She's been willing to behave more along the lines of a traditional Japanese housewife if that would make him happy. She felt she could be quite content with that as long as he was by her side (Ah, the ignorance of youth).   
Mind you, when she thinks about it and realizes that she doesn't have to be that way around Soun (since he's not quite as worth it as Ranma), things may get a bit dicey in the Tendo household. I'm waiting to throw that in a little later.   
  
Comments, criticisms, etc. to hinoron@hotmail.com 


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